Coffee Shop | Elizabeth Olsen

68: I can't

I stayed up with Nell all night, in the exact position, she didn't sleep she just looked ahead searching for answers in the obis. Lizzie would have tired herself out and fallen asleep at some point. I continued running my fingers through Nell's hair. She was my friend and she was hurting and I couldn't give her comfort. I couldn't trash talk to the person that hurt her because it was my sister and that trumps friend but I was furious with Lizzie. All I could do was count down the hours until her mum arrived.

The morning sun broke through and lit up the room. The house was still silent. The only indication that Nell was alive was the short shallow slow breaths she was taking, almost like it was a chore for her to breathe right now. Lizzie came into the room with a glass of water and a pillbox. I frowned at her and she continued to come in and kneel on the floor in front of Nell. "Please take them." Nell wasn't even in the headspace to notice her right now never mind respond but Lizzie continued to put the pills in her mouth one by one in between forcing her to sip from the straw.

"What was that for?" "She needs them." That is all she did to explain and left the water on the bedside table closing the pillbox and setting that on there too before kneeling back in front of Nell. "You need to give her space, Liz," I say when she hesitates to touch her. "I love her." "You're pregnant with another person's child." She tucked Nell's hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, Angel." Nell didn't even blink in acknowledgement, the lights were on but no one was home. "Annabella is on her way, she should get here at about 11 o'clock," I inform her. "She asked for a mum?" "Yeah." Her eyes filled with tears before she rested her forehead on the side of Nell's face. "Liz you need to leave her alone," Ashley says from the door. "She needs to eat." "She's not hungry." "But she still has to eat. And she has a meeting this afternoon with Rokh, I'll cancel it for her. and she has dinner with Seb and Mackie. I will cancel that too. And" "Liz, come on." Ashley tugged her arm for her to stand and she did slowly.

"Are you okay?" I asked Nell when the door closed but got nothing from her. She just laid. I heard Ashley let Annabella in, when she come into the bedroom we were in I saw Lizzie sitting facing the door, she looked like a wreck. "Eleanor baby," Anna whispered kneeling on the floor in front of her as Lizzie did a few hours ago. She traced her high cheekbones and nose before pecking her nose. Her head was still on my lap. "I brought you, someone." She tells her going into her purse and pulling out an old looking grey bear with what would have been a baby pink ribbon around its neck. Nell moved for the first time in over twelve hours and reached for the bear burning her face in it. Her mum smiled sadly at the sight and ran her hand through her hair.

"Baby girl, can you sit up?" She sat up slowly and I stretched my legs out clicking my neck. The door was open and Lizzie was standing in the doorway looking in but not passing the thresh hold.  Anna placed one hand on each of Nell's wrists and slowly pulled her arms down so the bear lowered from her face. Her mum studied her for a few moments, her own eyes filling with tears. "What do you need from me, baby?" Her mum spoke softly with her just like Nell spoke, she must have got it from her mum, it was a calming tone not patronising but soothing. Nell didn't say anything she didn't show much of a reaction. "You need to speak to me, Bug." "What time is it?" "11:30." She stood up. "I have a meeting." "I cancelled it," Lizzie says. Nell looks at Lizzie the concern filled her eyes as she scanned my sister over. They stood facing each other scanning each other over.

"Baby?" "I want to go to Soho." She says in response to her mum. "Okay, well you get your things together and we'll head there." Nell nodded and she walked past Lizzie and I heard her run up the stairs. "Don't," I warn Lizzie seeing her debating with herself. "Elizabeth, please just let her be." Anna says slightly defeated. "Are you going to take her away?" "Take her away? She's barely here. This is how she was when she came home after Ria died. That's the amount of pain you've put her through. That bear she hasn't held since she left for New York. It was the only bear she had when she cried or get upset. It was called Emosh because she let all her feelings out into it. And she is clinging to that thing like she's 5 years old again waiting for a breakdown. She is already away, Elizabeth. There's no taking her anywhere needed because she sure as hell isn't in the room right now." She wasn't wrong, Nell was barely putting sentences together. She wasn't here so it didn't matter.