Satataharitam - Short Stories On Narayana

Yeah

I'm still feeling sorta rusty, so bear with this even if it isn't top quality-

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The horizon engulfed the scarlet, setting sun, as the blanket of darkness started to set in. Twilight usually seemed a beautiful time of the day for the second prince.

But not for the defeated second prince.

The twilight, that day, brought only one thing. Darkness. It added more darkness to his already bleak situation. It was as if the last of his hopes were also being extinguished with the sinking of the sun.

Hopes? What were the hopes about? All he had hoped for was happiness. And he wasn't one who equated happiness with material comfort, or luxury. Happiness, for him, was just pure joy. That was all it was.

Of course, his elder brother had announced a heart wrenching decision. He would indeed leave Kosala for fourteen years. And he wouldn't allow Bharata to follow him.

Bharata had always known that this would eventually be the decision. Yes, he could have tried harder to get permission to follow him, but at the back of his mind he knew it was impossible, and realised that he had other responsibilities to fulfil.

All this was far too predictable for Bharata to actually feel as devastated as he was feeling. Yes, he was broken, but something else had perhaps broken him even more.

He didn't know what it was. He only had a vague idea, and he hoped he wouldn't get better clarity on it. If this itself made him feel so bad, so empty, he wondered how much worse it would be if he figured it out.

×××

He knew his brother far too well. He had always been perfect in reading his mind. He had always understood him.

Then why had he failed this time?

Lakshmana buried his head in his hands, struggling to keep his own thoughts and actions from playing on loop in his mind. Why didn't he think it through? How could he have accused Bharata of wanting to kill them? His Bharata.

Saumitri had apologised. And it was because of that apology that Bharata even found out what he had thought and planned to do. If not for the apology, Bharata would've never known.

So why would he want to bring it up, then?

Lakshmana didn't know when he'd get to meet his brother again. What if he would never get to meet him again? Anything could happen in fourteen years in a deadly forest. He apologised because who knew if he would get a chance to do it later? He apologised because he needed to continue being true to himself and the brother he realised he loved a lot more than he expressed. He apologised because he thought that would give him something to fall back at, so that he wouldn't feel all that guilty anymore.

But it seemed to have failed completely. He still felt just as awful for all of it. The reason, he anticipated, was that Bharata hadn't reacted. He hadn't yelled at him. He hadn't looked betrayed. He hadn't looked heartbroken. He hadn't fallen silent. He hadn't teared up.

He had smiled at him and said it was okay.

Lakshmana knew it wasn't. He knew that it was wrong. He knew he deserved to at least go through the torture of making a loved one cry if not much worse. But Bharata didn't seem to think so.

"It's not okay, Bharat." Lakshmana whispered, his face hidden in his hands. He knew what that smile of his had been hiding. But he didn't know what to do about it now. What justification did he have? Lakshmana kept whispering almost inaudible apologies into his own hands, hoping his brother would somehow hear them.