Tethered By Lust

Finders Keepers

Cordelia

I picked this work of line because when I work, I see myself in my patients and I honestly believe people who chose to work in jobs they've experienced themselves helps.

When I was 11 Harrison my stepdad came into my life. Fucking Harrison.

Everything went tits up from there.

My education.

My family relationships.

My happiness.

All out the bloody window.

But I learnt how to be strong. How to be resilient.

I learnt alcohol was my out and sometimes drugs were my joy.

I wasn't overusing when I was younger, I just didn't limit myself enough, but I got really bad when I became an adult.

I can admit it.

I was an alcoholic.

But when I see my patients, I see characteristics I faced. I see depression, addiction, pain, denial and my favourite hatred.

Hatred was the only one I envy. Hatred was fun because you don't think. You don't question everything. You just act. I felt ten feet above everything when I was angry. I stood up to Harrison like I had 9 lives.

Harrison wasn't as bad to begin with. I never liked him. But I didn't want to kill him. 2 years in something snapped or maybe he got too comfortable. He saw opportunities and couldn't resist. Or maybe he battled his own demons and used me as a boxing bag. But as I grew up, I got bigger, stronger, bolder. I might not be bigger or stronger in terms of strength, but my mind grew and the possibilities of getting revenge were endless.

What hurt the most was my mum. She was supposed to love me and be there, but she fell into a spell of Harrison. He was in her head and had no intention of leaving. I think that's what held me back from running before I was 16. The guilt held me back. It ate away at me. But if I left her, she would face the force of it but then again, I was so young and shouldn't have had to make those decisions.

My dad was oblivious to everything. If he found out any sooner about Harrison, he would have been a dead man. I knew my dad loved me he did, but he was no father.

Noel was my family. We didn't have to share the same blood. But we had each other's backs and held each other up. If I didn't have him, I wouldn't have made it this far. He didn't know until that night I ran in the rain and told him everything. I got sloppy. I shouldn't have told them, but I also got tired, and if I didn't tell them I would've snapped.

I loved him because he was so pure and he always saw the good in people. I wish I could say the same for myself. I tried to be better but well past experience held me back.

**

Tonight, was the night of Marcus's event. He had rented the full hotel in town and all of the bedrooms for his guests.

"Val, how about this?" I walked out of the changing room again with a red long dress that stuck to my body in the right places with a low back.

"Yes yes yes! You are wearing that."

Val followed. "This is on Marcus's card right." She laughed.

"His instructions Del." She held nearly the whole store in her hands.

"We are taking the dress too." She demanded to the store assistant.

I was scared of the bill. Marcus was really fucking rich. We lived in a house big enough to fit a village, but I didn't like spending his money. It felt wrong. I liked working for it.