A Vet for the Alpha

Chapter 12: One Path

Alec

I would have been lying if I said I hadn't thought about kissing Christopher. It had been a long two weeks after all.

I had not considered it would be the next time we met.

Kissing Christopher was just one wayward thought. Along wither it were a large number of other things I'd never considered before. Christopher's sincere confession hadn't slid silently into my mind. Instead, a tangle of rats took up a home, each thought nesting and vying for my attention.

Can I have feelings for a man?

Are they different feelings that I've had before?

What does Christopher expect from me? Dating? Kissing? Holding me?

Two weeks and I haven't heard anything from him since the day after. Too worked up to answer them at the time, now all I have are questions and questionable feelings.

Surprise. Love at first sight can't be real. Christopher see something in me that day and it made his feelings change = unlikely. Later, after spending time with me, Christopher could have learned something about me that set his heart in motion = possible. But just at the very sight of me seems like a very unstable basis for love.

Disbelief and confusion. Why is it me? What does he expect? How does he see a relationship with me?

A little guilt. He had been straightforward. I had judged him based on other reasons and never believed him.

Anger. He just confessed-and-dashed? He just throws all these emotions on me and I just have to deal with them? I didn't ask for all this!

Stress. Is he not going to come back? Do I have to reach out to him? What am I even going to say?

A wicked curiosity. Could I picture it though? Easier than I'd ever imagined anything before. Frighteningly easier.

Christopher already seemed entwined with my days and thoughts. A constant buzz of a fly in my face.  With his presence and attention gone I hadn't felt the relief I anticipated. I've felt...loss.

I have no idea what being with Christopher would be like. I just that know that I am scared to find out. And more scared that someone that goes all in the way Christopher does means he'll just as stunningly and abruptly leave, too.

After all, Christopher completely stopped. Stopped coming to the clinic. Stopped trying to call. Stopped texting me.

The big, dumb moose! Not a single sight of him. No big truck rolling into the parking lot. No sudden appearances. No strong, bold eyes watching me work.

The worst part was that I'd developed a headache. One that made me ache for another massage from Christopher. I just want to feel all the tension leave my body again. I want to sleep in peace for once, instead of falling asleep at my desk or on my couch.

Seriously! Where the hell is that man?

It had taken five days to get the courage to casually ask Dee is she had seen him around. He was out of town! She also said that he wouldn't have any reception there. But I tried anyway.

On day eight without him, I hyped myself up and called him. Straight to voicemail. I hung up and didn't leave a message. I'm still not sure what I had been going to say if he had somehow picked up.

After that, I'd been too scared to ask Dee when he'd be back. I was embarrassed, worried that I would look anticipatory. But also, I was scared she would tell me he was back already and find out that hadn't come to see me.

That was another weight on my mind, that Christopher had taken my initial response to heart. I mean, the Chris Hemsworth of the Pacific Northwest brings me food and tells me they love me! Of course I yelled, "Get out!" I'd felt that I had just started to understand the man. That maybe we could be friends. Then he changed the entire game.

Romance isn't natural to me, it isn't high on my mind. I've only dated twice. Once in college and once while interning at my first animal hospital. Both times I was the one pursued. I felt we had interests and goals in common. But I turned out to be a disappointment and was dumped twice.

The largest complaint was that the person I was dating came second to the animals. I mean, how could I put a fully grown woman that can take care of herself and others, over animals that are hurting and completely reliant on me. I just couldn't in the end.

Fear. Will it be any different with Christopher? Or will it always be a deal-breaker in my life?

Today. The office was just as empty today as it had been the first time, when Christopher walked in.

The sunlight filtered through the windows, the evening sky turning to pink. I was preparing to leave work on time, thanks to Dee and her priceless efforts. The exam rooms and animal pens had been cleaned, a familiar citrus-and-animal odor hung in the air. There were no overnight patients or boarders, it was calm and peaceful.

And it brought no peace or satisfaction to me.  I had flipped off the last light and headed out the lobby. The bell of the door opening stops me and snaps my attention there. I've been doing that so much lately, I almost thought I was imagining it. The person standing in the doorway.

Christopher stepped inside, letting the door close behind him. His usual cheerful energy had been replaced with an unsettling, calm steadiness.

In that moment, I learned that I knew something I hadn't realized I knew.  That if I looked outside, there wouldn't be an over-muscled truck in the parking lot. When there was, Christopher sauntered in wearing too-tight jeans, shirt tucked in . He liked to wear different kinds of boots and shoes, too.

On days like this, where he appears as if from the tall grasses outside, it was just a slightly crumpled shirt and loose pants. Glancing down, I confirmed it. The same pair of shoes, no socks visible. When did I become aware of him to this extent?

As the silence stretched on, my hands began to fiddle with the strap of my bag over my shoulder. "Oh. You're back."

"I just got back," Christopher didn't take his eyes off of me. "Alec?"

"Hmm?" My throat dried up. All my questions that I wanted to say, to yell, at this man queued up but couldn't come out. My eyes roamed over Christopher's face, like trying to memorize something I'd already unintentionally memorized.

"Alec, can I do something you might not like?"

"Hm?" Words enough didn't come to mind. Spellbound, I watched Christopher walk toward me. My hands fell away to my sides as the tall man stood in front of me.

"Can I touch you?"

"Huh-" Was that a yes? Was that a hell no? I had no idea. My body, once motionless, seemed to buzz with energy from the inside. Anticipation. My body still remembered Christopher's hands on my neck, kneading and soothing, running across my skin. My body was no longer sharing the confusion of my mind. It was delighted.

Christopher's hands came up and lightly grazed along my cheeks and jaw. So light and gentle, I regretted not experiencing more of it. "I can't seem to ignore the impulse anymore," he whispered. His tone unlike any I'd ever heard him use. "It's only getting stronger."

Unable to move, unable to breathe I could only watch as Christopher slowly brought his face closer to mine. Like leaning towards a flame, my skin became hot. A soft breath across my lips and without thought I tilted my face up towards it slightly. My eyes turned downward, unable to keep watching Christopher's intensity.

I waited. Knowing what was to come. Friction between my riotous thoughts and rioting body. Not daring to stop.

Christopher's lips closed over mine in a kiss. Hot, steady pressure. In that moment, I could feel the same emotions running through Christopher. His hands flexed slightly on my cheek. A soft sigh left his lips as he pressed a little more. As if he was eager and scared for more, just like me.

No, I hadn't considered that we would kiss today. Now, I'm choosing a path. A path that leads me away from fear and lets my body move with purpose. Reaching out, I grab the first thing I can, the front of Christopher's shirt. And I lean into the kiss.

A/N: One update a year. I think I can maintain this pace.