Coffee Shop | Elizabeth Olsen

63: Dreams

"You should sleep." "I'm babysitting Rosie at our place tonight." "You're tired, you just told me you're tired." "And so are Colin and Scarlett, Rose has been poorly the past couple of days. She'll sleep through." "Send pictures." "I will."

"You just got home?" "Yeah." I heard her keys and the door. "Do you want to plan your birthday?" "No," "No?" "I just want to be at home this year. No one else, just you and me." "Yeah?" I smiled to myself. I hadn't lost her. "Picnic in the garden." "I can do that." "Bake me cake." "You saw my last cake, you laughed at my last cake." She started laughing again, she cooed at Rosie who I could hear giggling. "Scar and Colin just got here." "Tell them I said hello." "Lizzie called you a bitch." "I did not!" Nell was laughing so was Scarlett. "Hey, Lizzie." I hear her call. Nell got the run down from the parents and then they leave.

"So bake me a cake?" "No, you'll laugh at me." "Rose, tell Auntie Lizzie to bake me a cake." I heard babbling from Rose and giggled to myself at how cute she was. "I'll bake you a cake." "Yes." "Why are you excited by this?" "You're cute when you bake." "Nell?" "Liz?" "We're going to be okay?" "We're okay."

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"Nell do you have a minute?" She was in the bedroom. "Yeah, just finished up the meeting with your team." "That's weird." "Yeah, can you be in the meetings from now on?" "I'll try." She smiled at me. "You ready for tomorrow?" That's when the shoot is. It's really last minute, Nell has to shoot and edit it all tomorrow. She'll get it done but I wish it wasn't so last minute it made me anxious because we couldn't reshoot if I hated the shots. "Yeah I'm ready, I just hope it comes out good enough." I frowned as I sit on her lap, she was sitting on the edge of our bed, she had papers on the floor in front of her. "Is this for tomorrow?" "Yeah, I'll go through it later with you. What did you need?" "I wanted to talk?" "Yeah of course. What's up?"

I sit and fiddle with my rings, my promise ring and Nell's dad ring still sat on my wedding finger. I really should give her the ring back but every time I try she tells me to keep it. It reassures me that she is coming back to me. I think that's why she lets me keep it. Also, it's a special ring and she trusts me to some degree which makes me feel better I didn't destroy everything, and I was special enough to wear it. She didn't push me to talk right away. "Um... You know when we had dinner at Dads?" 'Yeah?" "And I said that thing. And you said we didn't have to talk about it?" "I do." I looked up at her and she wasn't judging me she was listening and patiently waiting for me to get to the point. "I want to talk about it." "Okay. What about it? Are you okay?" "I'm fine, I'm doing a lot better than I was when I was thinking like that." "Good, I'm glad." She pecked my cheek. I took her right hand and started twisting her ring, no longer finding comfort in twisting the rings on my own finger. "That's what my dreams been about... About how I tried to." She inhaled as she listened to me stutter out I couldn't say it. She brushed her nose against my cheek. "It's okay, take your time, Princess."

"I panic in water because I... That's what I... And I panic because I have something worth breathing for now." Her other arm wrapped around me her thumb brushing my side soothingly. "My therapist suggest I tell you about the dreams but I couldn't tell you about them without explaining this part." "I get it." I turn my face and our noses bumped each other. "I go in the water and I'm floating and then it gets heavy and the water gets darker and there's weight on my chest and I can hear you calling me." I pecked her lips needing to know she was there. "And you sound so hurt, like when we talking after the article, your voice does this crack thing when you're trying not to cry, and when you cried for Cassie and it was painful you could tell you were in pain and I could hear that. But I tried to swim to get to you, and my foot feels stuck." "Take a breath." She reminds me so I copy her deep breathing. "I look at my foot and there are hands around it pulling me and when I see the face it's me, I'm pulling myself under I'm keeping myself down and I want to get to you but I can't." I interlock our hands and squeeze them once she squeezes back.