Rebound

1.27

Shit.  What was I doing?

Every heeled step felt like a mistake, like one wrong move and the whole church would come crumbling down around me.

Like one too-sharp breath and my father would jump out of his seat and attack me in front of all these guests that probably didn't know my grandfather at all.

My heart thump-thump-thumped to an off beat rhythm much too fast for a healthy person.

The podium leered before me, a nightmare made true as the shadows cast a dark gleaming stain on the hardwood floors peppered with ancient dirt ridden rugs.

"I'd like to say a few words about my grandfather," I started as I reached the long stem microphone placed in the center.

"He was a man of many opinions, most of them negative.  He didn't believe in gay rights, didn't believe in a woman's right to choose, didn't believe in other cultures who believed in other gods than his.  He was stuck in his ways, and no one called him on it.  He spent the last ten years of his life a bitter old man in a wheelchair who didn't care enough about his own grandchildren to come and visit them even once.  He was a monster of a man, just like my father, the son he raised.  But instead of condemning him and his actions, everyone here wants to play nice and pretend he had a 'life well lived'.

"This man lived a sad, miserable life, and he died a sad, miserable death.  Just like his son will, because he refuses to be any different than the man who raised him.  So I say good riddance, grandpa.  I hear Hell is nice this time of year."

The stark silence that followed me as I strode away from the podium made me smile, just like the scarlet red dress I'd chosen had done for me this morning.

I cupped the flat expanse of my stomach as I pushed the doors open and strode from the church with a sense of purpose finally settled in my bones.

***

"Are you sure you want to do this many credit hours?  This is the maximum amount you can take."

"I know.  I'll be busy in about nine months, so I figure I should work as much as I can.  How many can I take online?"

"You can take most of them online, but these three will need to be in person."

I grinned at the woman behind the desk with a skeptical and almost judgmental look in her eyes behind the tortoise shell glasses perched on the top of her pert nose.

"Perfect.  Can you sign me up immediately?"

"I can.  Are you sure you can afford that?"

"With my grant, scholarship, and my brother's check, I think this should cover it."

Eli had practically reamed me out when I told him my plan to take this many classes to go on the fast track for my degree, but I hadn't told him the reason behind it.  Yet.

He hadn't balked at the money that I'd asked for though—a loan, I'd told him, until I could save up enough to pay him back.

Of course he'd waved me off, but it didn't feel right to do that.  It felt like I was taking advantage of him.

My law degree would allow me to pursue social work and to advocate for the kids who fell through the cracks, just like I did.  Just like Eli.  Kids who didn't have a voice of their own just yet.

"If you're pregnant, there are daycare centers on campus that cater to young moms.  A lot of girls that have come through here were able to succeed with our resources."

"Thank you.  I'll find their contact information closer to time."

"Sure.  Well, here's all the paperwork you'll need for classes.  You're going to need to work overtime in these new classes you picked up, they're already a few weeks into the semester so you'll have to play catch up.  You're lucky, you missed the cut off date to add or drop classes by a day."