Breaking the Bond that Binds.

Chapter 73 - Virgil's gone full Circle

Only one thing in my life is still in a holding pattern and that's my feelings for Damien. The bond connection is long gone. I now longer feel that irrational pull but I feel...well I don't know what I feel.  However, I know it's the time for big decisions.   So I've decided to ask Damien to spend the full moon with me... tomorrow night.  It was about the most obvious proposition imaginable, there's no way he can misunderstand it. This could quite easily turn out to be the stupidest thing I've ever done but...what the hey.  It's not totally about being on heat and sex,  although I do want him in my bed very badly.  It's also the time I'm the most vulnerable, not in control and I wanted him to be with me.  I wanted to show him I trust him.

Damien has invited me to dinner at the compound with him and his mother, for breakfast with him and Paul, a charity concert with several hundred other people. On every occasion there was a buffer. He always keeps me at arms length. So I'm going all in, doing a Braveheart and charging into the fray.  I'm on my way over to his office...."Boldness be my Friend".   If we are only friends I'll know and I can stop fantasying about anything more.

.....

The guards at the compound gate have got use to me coming and going and they just let me through. How weird is that...the Rogue ex-mate has the run of the place. Damos must be rolling in his grave....urn.

To get to the main house I have to walk  by the Chapel, it  always gives me the chills. I give it the finger as I pass. I only have bad memories of that place.   My wolf growls in agreement, he'd cock his leg and pee on it if I let him. I keep walking along the circular road which eventually leads to the main house.  I've come unannounced, totally unprepared accept for a line or two, there's no deep, heart felt speech written down and tucked in my pocket like in the movies.

"What are you up to?" The PA is striding out the front doors towards me, dashing as always. He removes his shades, blocking my way and cocking  a devilish eyebrow. "You look like you are up to something." He knows me well.

"I'm about to go and do something monumentally stupid." I answer truthfully.

Paul squeezes the bridge of his nose and frowns. "You've been so good lately, faking being a grown up really well, why spoil it."

"Do you really want to know what I'm going to do. I'll tell you, as long as you promise not to have a cow."  He frowns again, looks at me like I'm a lost cause.

"Two seconds with you and I have a headache." He walked away shaking his head.

I'm surprised I haven't chickened out as I walk to Damien's office, although it feels like there are snakes wriggling in my stomach and my throat is getting tight. Finally, I'm at the door, should I turn around and go back the way I came, let nature take it's course, keep my fantasies to myself.

I knock on the door....no guts no glory.

Damien is sitting on the couch, feet upon the coffee table, surrounded by paperwork. His shirt is open at the collar, no tie, sleeves rolled up...looking totally gorgeous and manly. He turns his head as I walk in and I can't help but think how thoroughly fuckable he is. He makes my toes curl and other bits of me stiffen. It was so much easier to ignore the effect he had on me when I hated his guts but now the anger is gone I have no defence.   "Hi, what brings you here?" He looked tired but not unhappy to see me. There was a nice welcoming smile on his face.

"Are you busy, can we talk for a minute?" Those snakes were wriggling and trying to work their way to my throat. My inner wuss kicked in. It was screaming DON'T DO IT.   I sat opposite him.

"Ooook..... you look like you're about to hyperventilate." Damien laughed, then leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at me with an amused, curious expression. "So what's up?"

At that point my wolf was growling at me to speak up. I could feel him effecting my aura and making it blaze and spark. I can see in Damien's eyes he saw it too and he was getting more curious.

"Well?"  He said softly trying to coax the answer out of me.

I puffed and straightened my shoulders as if I was about to lift weights or going into battle.    I've chatted up heaps of guys over the years, I'm good at it and it comes easily to me but this was terrifying.

"It's full moon tomorrow." It was a start...don't rush me. Damien nodded.

"I was hoping, maybe..." I'm just about there. Damien leaned in further.

"I was hoping you could spend it with me." There it was out. I could breath again. Damien stared at me, just stared. My wolf is growling, loudly, angrily, is this rejection again?

"Umm. I really need to hear an answer." Ok...so this is what being literally gutted feels like.

The room is so quiet I can't bear it. Damien gets up and is walking away.  Damn, shit, fuck how could I get it so wrong again. I better go before my wolf leaps, he's furious.  I'm up and heading for the door, humiliated, when a hand grabs my arm and yanks me back.

I land against Damien's chest, staring up at him. I refuse to cry. His other hand wraps around the back of my neck. He's looking at me but I haven't a clue what he's thinking, he looks as shattered as me.

Then he's kissing me softly, sliding his lips on mine so gently they barely touch. It brings back memories of past kisses. His grip gets tighter and he nuzzles his face against my neck.

"I'll be there at sunset." I shuddered so hard with relief I shocked myself. I hadn't released how much I needed him to say yes. He's let me go and pushed me away.

"You better go. I'm not sure I can control myself right now."  I'm not moving.  I can't take my eyes off him. 

Damien's out the door before I know it.

He said yes.