Ever After

Part 21 - Shut Up And Listen

Through memory alone you run up the metal railings of the fire escape outside of your house, desperate to get some fresh air as well as getting some time away from Steve. Images keep flooding your mind of the last 24 hours, plus the revelations from Steve. Finally making it to the rooftop, you catch your breath. Taking in the air that was 1943 Brooklyn. 

It doesn't take long before hearing the footsteps behind you, instantly knowing that Steve has followed you. "We're stuck here, aren't we?" You ask.

"I'm sorry..."

"I don't need you to be sorry Steve," You snap, putting a hand down on the railing and another to your side; the pain from running up those stairs kicking in. "We can't go back." Looking down at the streets below you; forgetting how broken and lost this part of the city looked back then compared to the future, you think about this night. Steve had mentioned the Expo, meaning right now the three of were headed to Flushing Meadows; it was the first time you had met Howard, and the last time the three of you had been together. Tears form at your eyes as you remember dancing with Bucky, trying to convince Steve to dance; everything almost perfect before it wasn't. "Any other night, I might have liked revisiting the past." You sob, "But not tonight."

"What do you mean?" Steve hesitatingly takes a few steps closer to you. 

"The man I loved was going to war," You daren't look at him. "And then my best friend ran off and joined the fight too." Finally giving him a little side sweep, you meet his eye. "I lost you both for the first time that night. I thought that that would be the worst of it, little did I know I would lose again and again and again..." You can't help but break down, sliding down to the ground; immediately Steve's arms wrap around you as he sits next to you. 

He doesn't say anything, mostly because he's terrified he'll say the wrong thing. He simply holds you, his cheek pressed against your head as he lets the sobs wrack your body. A few tear drops of his own fall, before he resolves himself and tries to help you to your feet. "Come back in with me Belle," he whispers, but you don't say anything; you simply let him guide you back down to your apartment.

Sitting down in your chair, you can't help but still let the wave of emotion flood over you. Why had you come with Steve in the first place? Why had you put yourself through all this misery, reopening old wounds? Because you love him, Bluebell, you hear Bucky's voice in your head; which if anything, makes you feel worse. The realisation hitting you that you'll never see him again...again. 

The sound of a record scratching turns your attention back to Steve, kneeling at your old record player. Suddenly the smooth sounds of music flow through the room, bringing back some better memories. "You always tried to encourage me to dance." You hadn't realised Steve had moved, you had been so distracted; he smiles at you as he extends his hand out to you. "Dance with me Belle." 

Despite still struggling, you eagerly take his hand; not even denying for one second that you had wanted this moment for a long, long time. Wrapping you so gently in his arms, he starts to move as you dance on the spot. Leaning your head into his chest, he pulls you tighter, a much more intimate moment than you had thought it would be, dancing with Steve for the first time. "You always said you were waiting for the right partner to dance with?" You smile into his chest.

"I know," He sighs, placing a kiss to your head, before pushing you away, twirling you under his arm and then bringing him back to his arms. "I didn't realise she was right in front of me the whole time." He leans down to kiss you, and once again images of him and Peggy together flood your mind. "What's wrong?"

You pull away from him, pacing around a bit before sitting down once again. "Back at the tower," you sigh, running a hand through your hair. "You asked me if I was still in love with Bucky." Steve nods, fear rattling through him as he wonders where this conversation is going. "I think I have the same right to ask this. Are you still in love with Peggy?"

"No," He blurts out. A little too fast for your liking.

"I knew it. You're lying." You stand, and begin pacing the room again, Steve trying desperately to keep up with you. "What is it about this woman that you kissed once?" You yell, letting all the bitterness and anger release. "Why does she get to have the man that she loves after everything she did to me? What makes her so god damn special?"

"Would you make up your mind at what you're mad at me for?" He grumbles. "You think that I would have ever left you for her if I didn't think that you were still in love with Bucky? I thought I was making the right decision." He snaps, raising his voice too. "Face it Belle, you only came back with me because you wanted to save him. This isn't about Peggy, this is about you wanting save the man you love, and blame me for. You just won't admit it."

"YES!" You scream at him before you realise he's talking about Bucky. "No," You push him, prodding a finger in his chest. "I didn't even THINK about trying to save him because I didn't know I would have that chance. I followed YOU!"

"Bullshit." You punch him in the chest, making him stumble backwards, falling to the floor.

"NO. NOT BULLSHIT!" You yell standing over him. "I followed you blindly from the minute you were found in the ice. Followed you at every fucking twist and turn, even though sometimes it killed me to do it." Steve simply stares up at you, taking it all in. "I watched you become every thing you had ever wanted to be. A good man." You almost crack. "I was proud of you, no matter how you felt about yourself. I came with you because I couldn't lost that, I had to make sure you came home."

"Why? You had Buck..."

"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Your voice is almost a scream. "Are you really that blind? Did the other night mean nothing to you? I love you." You begin pacing again, as Steve, completely dumbfounded at your words, slowly gets up from the floor. His eyes never leaving you. "But that doesn't matter because you love Peggy."

"It's not like that," Steve tries to say, but you hold your hands up to him again.

"Then what is it Steve? Tell me, because I'm really struggling here. My mind, my heart and my body are all broken after the last few days and I just..." You punch a wall in frustration. Once the dust settles, you look at him. 

Calmly he walks over to you, taking your hand to check for injuries, rubbing over your already bruising knuckles. "I'm not in love with Peggy," He sighs as you start to interrupt him, but he places a hand over your mouth. "Please Belle, for once just shut up and listen to me, ok?" He snaps; the tone of his voice shocking you into submission. You nod as he carries on. "Peggy was the first woman who looked at me as something more, and before you say it, I know you did too." He smiles slightly as he takes his hand away. "You were with Bucky. You were my friend. To everyone else I was invisible until I became Captain America. I guess I was just in love with the 'idea' of her." 

"And now..."

"Now I know that that wasn't love. It was a stupid, childlike crush, that unfortunately took me way longer than it should have to have gotten over."  He wraps an arm around your waist pulling you to him. "I...I love you Belle."

Running his hands up to cup your face, music still flowing in the background you almost forget to breathe as he leans down and gently kisses you.