Ever After

Part 27 - I Loved Him

Time had lost all meaning. While you had been away for almost two years, it had been less than five minutes for the guys back in 2023. Even if you wanted to explain it to them, right now you couldn't. The image of Steve's broken face as he defied you, as he sent you back, is etched on your brain.

The only comfort right now is Bucky. Holding you so tightly as you sob uncontrollably onto his shoulder. As he looks around at Sam and Bruce, he has no answers either to their confused looks.

"Let's get you home Bluebell." Bucky whispers in your ear, lifting you to your feet. Unsure if you're shivering because of whatever has happened, or because your clothes and hair are still damp, he moves slightly to take his jacket off. Sam beats him to it, wrapping his jacket around your shoulders. "Thanks Sam."

"I'll give you a ride." Sam pats your back gently before saying goodbye to Bruce, still unsure as to what's happened. He takes one last look at the podium, hoping for some miracle that Steve would appear.

***
Back at your hotel, without the help of both Bucky and Sam, you wouldn't have made it to your room. While Bucky gets towels and fresh clothes to dry you off, Sam sits beside you. "Tell me what you need Belle? What can I do to help?"

You take his hand in yours, just squeezing it before looking at him. The tears have stopped, but the heartache still burns through you. With that winning Sam Wilson grin, you can't help but let a little smile out before shaking your head, letting him know that he had done enough.

"There she is." Bucky lets out a little smile, drawing your attention back to him. You can't help it, but after two years of not seeing him you throw your arms around him again, just holding him tightly. "Hey. Whatever it is I got you Bluebell, I promise." He kisses the side of your head before rubbing your back.

"I'll go get some coffee. Maybe wrangle up some food?" Sam asks. Bucky nods, and once Sam has left, unwraps your arms from him, sitting you down on the bed.

Without saying a word he starts to strip you from your damp clothes, taking care to look for any sign of injury but the pain you feel, he'd never be able to see. "I missed you Bucket." You sit limply, letting him help you.

"I would say I missed you too, but you were only gone..."

"Two years." You start to tell him about everything. Morag. Vormir. Asgard. New York. New Jersey. When you get to Camp Lehigh Bucky stops you, taking in a sharp breath.

"Belle. Where did you get that scar?" He runs his hand down your bare side, tracing the line left by the Winter Soldier's attack. He shakes his head, as if trying to shake the memory out. "You tried to...I thought I told Steve."

"It wasn't exactly Steve's idea." You take a towel from him, rubbing it over your damp hair. "It was my choice Buck."

"But I..." He stammers as the vision of you bleeding out amongst the snow fills his mind. He had managed, just that once to remember you. "Why would you do that?" His voice is mixed with pain and anger, his left hand gripped into a fist before you reach over and grab it.

"Why do you think?" You intertwine your fingers with his.

"I wasn't worth this." He runs his hand down the scar again. "I wasn't worth the risk."

Feeling a sudden anger rising up in you, you push him away. Grabbing the tshirt he has laid down for you and throwing it on you start to pace the room. "What is it with you two?" You yell, frustratedly running your hands through your hair. "WHY are neither of you good enough? Why do neither of you see what it's doing to me?"

"Belle..."

"No Bucky. I know how selfish I sound, but I'm allowed to be. I was told not to feel guilty about my past, but it's OK for the both of you to feel that."

"Belle..."

"I am sick of the two of you getting to decide what goes. After two years Steve just decides that it's over and sends me back without even listening to what I have to say."

"Belle..."

"And you." You prod him hard in his chest. "I wasn't allowed to even TRY to save you. On YOUR orders. I could have saved you from all of this but you'd rather be a martyr."

"Belle..." The continual relaxed, calm tone of Bucky's grates on you. At least Steve always fought back against your outbursts, whether they were justified or not. But Bucky just stands there, watching carefully. "Are you done?"

Still full of anger you nod, pacing some more before Bucky grabs your arm, pulling you to him. Pushing some of your hair back slightly, he slips the pearl hair grip on before wiping tears from your face.

"I don't know why Steve did whatever he did. The man is an idiot." Pulling you into a hug, he continues almost whispering in your ear. "And I didn't want to be a martyr. I just didn't want you and Steve to risk yourselves for me. You both gave up so much for me already. I couldn't ask either of you to give anymore."

"And if it had been me, or Steve in your position?" You mumble behind tears as you bury your face into his shoulder.

"I would have done the same," Bucky chuckles, mixed with a sigh. "But maybe then you'd see it from my point of view too." You nod into his shoulder.

"I loved him Bucket."

"Love Bluebell. You love him."

"But he's gone." You sob. "It was... January 1945." You feel Bucky tense against you, making you hold him tighter. "We were both struggling. But Steve...he didn't want you to be alone. Not here. Not again." You feel your legs almost give way, Bucky feels it too and sits you back down on your bed.

"He sent you back for me? Doesn't he get that we're not..."

"It took him a while." You explain to him what happened after Siberia; about the break in at your place, Maria's cabin. Everything, right up to a couple of hours ago; or was it almost 80 years ago. "Maybe I should have let him go back to Peg..."

"Nope. Don't even say that Belle. He loves you. Loved...just don't think like that."

Before you can respond a small knock at the door distracts you. Bucky opens it to find Sam, looking confused and apologetic. "Sorry guys, no coffee, no food. Just Happy."

"Happy?" Bucky questions before the heavy set man walks in, grief still etched on his face.

"Mr Barnes," He gives a grim nod before walking further into the room, greeting you with a smile. "Hey Bella."

Wiping the tears from your face you stand and give him a quick hug; a little tighter than normal considering you hadn't seen him since Tony's funeral, almost two years ago. "What brings you here Hogan?" You smile.

"Delivery." He holds up a small box with your name on it. "From Tony."