If You Love Me

44

a v e r y

DEAN AND WILL LEFT EARLY this morning to go get a Christmas tree. Dressed before me in a pair of jeans, thick hoodie, and hat pulled over his head, Dean kissed me goodbye while his eyes were wide and fearful about having to be in a truck alone with Will for the next few hours. Keeping my laughter at bay, I reassured him and sent Will a playful glare, locked the door after them and watched as they pulled out on the street covered in snow.

Millie came crawling down the stairs shortly after, sitting on the stool in the kitchen next to me after filling her signature purple mug with coffee. She sips the caffeinated beverage that she added way too much milk to like she always did, claiming that it was too hot to enjoy otherwise.

When she sits the mug back down on the marble counter top, she looks over at me.

"Did they leave?" she asks.

I nod. "Five minutes ago."

She gives me a small smile, burying her face back into the mug.

"What did you and Will talk about before they left?" I ask, to which she shrugs her shoulders innocently. "Millie..."

"Avy..." she mimics my tone. "Will just wants to make sure that Dean's intentions are in the right place. And what better way to do that over a long drive and Christmas tree picking?"

I look away from her and take a sip from my own mug. She slides her hand on mine, willing me to look at her.

"We like him, okay? Love him, actually," she smiles. "We may never get to do this otherwise..."

Millie and Will have wanted to have children for a long time, having names and colour palettes picked out, but haven't had the chance to use either of them yet. They went to different doctors for opinion after opinion, tried various medications, and hoped. They never talked about their struggles with infertility, but I knew that it saddened them to want something so bad, to deserve it, and not have it happen.

"Just don't scare him off, okay?" I say.

"Okay," she nods "Besides I'm sure that nothing can scare that boy away. He's in love with you."

As it always did when I heard about Dean loving me, from him or someone else, a smile tugs at my lips. I lift my mug up in my attempt to hide, but seeing as Millie begins to smile too, I know I did a poor job at it.

Wanting to change the topic mainly due to the fact that my mug was now empty, I say, "I saw dad a few times. "

Millie raises her eyebrow at me, visibly surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah," I nod. "I went to his birthday party and had breakfast with him a few weeks ago. His wife is nice. Same with their daughter."

Millie remains quiet, her head resting on her palms as she listens to me.

"We talked about mom," I say. "You could have told me, Millie. That mom was sick."

"I tried... you have no idea how many times I tried, Avy, but I didn't know how," her brown eyes deepening. "Whenever you find out that someone is sick, no matter what they are sick with, you begin to tread lightly around them. Watching what you say, what you do; you start to only see them for their illness. I didn't want that for you. I wanted your relationship with your mother to be real."

She takes my silence as a nod to continue.

"The doctor said that music and art therapy could help her cope," she says. "I spent three paychecks worth of money on a concert, I don't know if you remember us going."