Unrequited [HSS #4, Completed]

Chapter 38

"Uhm, sure ka?" Nahihiya ako pero tinanong ko pa rin.

North nodded and slowly placed me sitting on her stomach, then she adjusted herself to finally be able to sit properly with her back comfortably leaning on the headboard. That made me sit on her lap now.

"You don't want to?" Her voice was so soft and fragile, it sounded exactly like that. It's like she was on the verge of crying and facial expression matched it somehow.

Umiling ako. Hinalikan ko siya sa noo at maging sa magkabilang pisngi niya. "Shy type ako, remember?"

Napangiti siya bago natawa. Napayakap siya sa akin nang mahigpit habang hinahaplos ang likuran ko. My mixed emotions started calming down and finding it at bay ─ with her, somehow, this feels really nice, too. This simple conversation, this closeness, I just love to be with her.

"I'm sorry for asking you that way, I'm just a little anxious." she whispered in my ear. "Did I scare you?"

"Na-intimidate lang ng konti, as in konti lang." pag-a-assure ko sa kanya. Naramdaman ko naman ang paghinga nito ng malalim na para bang relief ang narinig. "You know I'm asking for your consent, 'di ba? I'm giving you mine, but whatever your decision will be, it'll be fine."

"But I'm still sorry for being a little aggressive today, I'm just...I just want you to see me in my raw version," she said. Tinanguhan ko siya habang nakangiti.

We kissed a little, just with our lips moving, but not trying to pry deeper. We just let our lips move in an introductory manner like it's just our first time kissing and we're just trying to memorize each other's softness and rhythm. We parted with a sound.

"I'm not all nice, not all sweet either, I'm not the kindest person you'll ever meet ─ I can be selfish, too." She pushed me enough to find myself lying on the bed with her hovering above me. Naramdaman ko ang paggapang ng kamay niya sa loob ng damit ko. My breath hitched when the tip of her fingers subtly slid on my skin until I felt it on my back, slowly unhooking my bra. "I can be greedy, I can hold hate for long, I can ignore things I don't want to know, I can pretend to play things safe. I can be frightening if I want to. Are you scared?"

"Not a bit."

"There's scars all over me."

"Your scars are pretty, it's from your battles."

"Are you sure?" Tumango ako sa tanong niya. She tugged on the hem of my shirt when she propped herself. "Can I?"

"Can I take yours off, too?"

"I'm yours, Paris. Of course."

Hindi ko mapigilan yung ngiti ko dahil sa kilig. Si North talaga, hindi ko alam kung masyado ko lang siyang mahal o magaling lang siya magpakilig. Pero baka both. Hindi na yata mawawala yung ganitong feeling ko kapag sa kanya.

Bumangon ako at sinubukang umupo muli ng maayos pero basta na lang niya akong hinila para mapaupo ulit sa hita niya. She once again tugged the hem of my shirt before pulling it up slowly until she finally was able to take it off along with my bra. She was just looking at my eyes when she did all that, pero bumaba rin ang tingin niya ng ilang segundo, scanning me. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung anong gagawin o sasabihin ko.

"Come here."

"Huh?"

"Take off mine."

"A-ah..." I cleared my throat. Parang nag-iba lalo ang pakiramdam ko. "Okay, okay."

Katulad ng ginawa niya ay humawak din ako sa laylayan ng kanyang damit. Ang kinaibahan lang ay nanginginig pa nga yata ang mga kamay ko, hindi pa nakatulong na sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko, parang nahihilo ako sa sensasyon. I had several dreams about her, but this felt really surreal ─ like I know for certain that this was not a dream but it feels like it.