Boris x reader (weird)

The bathroom incident

I walked over to my figurine of Boris and Donald having a party. I dusted it with spongebobs cheeks and ate a cake afterwards.

Was a pretty good cake ngl!

I just know Boris put his cheeks all over it. Extra flavour! Mmmmmm..Boris.. 🤤

Did you know Boris used to race boats? I didn't.. I found it out one time when I was cleaning the bathroom!!

Y'know, for the house Boris has, one bathroom is kinda dumb. But y'know, guess he only used to live on his own, especially after I secretly killed his waifu! I'm his waifu now >:3

Anyways, I was cleaning the bathroom and behind the toilet bowl was a certificate of boat racing! I had to clean behind the toilet bowl cause Donald sometimes likes to leave little dead things there! Once there was a small gremlin, he said he named it Elizabeth, but I had to throw it away; he wasn't happy about it.

after I found the certificate, I flipped into his room, bursting through the door like a diving whale. He was startled as he was halfway through an Ariana grande x Harry Potter fanfiction! But I didn't care, I had to know the truth!

He tried to explain that it was nothing to worry about, that he doesn't lead a normal life anymore and it's fine! That it was all in the past but... I couldn't believe him, I didn't tell him this but... I saw a mop in his room once.. I can't believe he would lie to me!!

I normally just act like nothing happened, but it's hard y'know?

So.. after I found the certificate.. I jumped off of Donald's thick juicy dump-truck cheeks and into a giant cup of tea.. it was quite a relaxing therapy session!

I decided to let it all go and forget I ever clumped and flumped with Donald Duck, no one had to know about that time in the bathroom with Donald's twin!! Oh satan.. so sad!

A lot of things have happened in that bathroom, like when I could hear Boris and he clumpy dumpy thicc and lumpy a$$ go to the toilet.. so smexy!

And when Donald and I wrestled in the bathtub next to the toilet! A rubber ducky was watching there too! Just... watching... waiting..

And the time where a killer clown jumped out at me!! We made out afterwards then he left but y'know! Spooky! Smexy spooky..

I also removed a tiny toilet from the shower curtains once! CURSE YOU TINY TOILET!!

So many memories..

I kind of wish we could recreate those fantastical memories... But no, we have to move on... To the future...

The future, that was destined to be dark in full of terror, misery and Boris is thick lumpy dumpy cheeks clapping with Donalds.. without me? I don't think so...

I'm kind of tempted to go to the bathroom right now, but Boris is using it... Actually... Where is Donald? I haven't seen him for awhile... Not since Boris went to the bathroom...

Maybe I should go check?

...

No, that's a bit weird

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door! I walked over to it from the lumpy bumpy lumpy and bumpy sofa. I opened it without looking in the peep hole..  grave mistake.

As soon as I open the door, a large flock of geese flew in! I knew what this meant, and so should you.

This meant... That the tea in England, was in dire need of some sugar... Oh, and also that Queen Lizzie was stuck in a bowl, but that could be solved easily.

" imagine putting your finger in someone's bum hole" A goose said as it walked in the door calmly, I glared at it. Why would I have to imagine that? Boris, Donald and SpongeBob have already shown me, Lorraine and the rest of England what it's like!

I slapped the goose in the face, it's a little bowler hat falling onto its a$$.

This was funny, so I giggled and pushed all the geese and the fucking posh goose out of my house. Yeah you heard me right, my house not Boris's, not Donald's, mine.

As soon as I did that, I heard giggles and grunts coming from the bathroom.

At first, I thought it was just Boris having his normal sneaky UwU fun smexy under the cupboard secret time, but then I heard something else...

~~~~~~~

A couple minutes past, I was standing outside the bathroom door. I was hesitant, I didn't want to go in. What if it was Boris? What if he didn't want to be disturbed? I don't know... Maybe I should just walk away? No... It's too late now...

I push the door open, well, I say pushed but it was more like a kick. There was a gap, and a girl-ish scream followed by some cute giggles. I looked over and saw Boris and Donald in the middle of a snuggle session on the toilet bowl!

I stormed out of the bathroom and went into the attic, slamming the trap door behind me.

Why would they do that without me? We are not special enough? How dare they...

~~~~~

A couple days past, Me not moving from my spot. I would've thought they'd come get me by now I guess I don't mean that much to them... Just then I heard something... squeaky floorboard? I peaked down from the trap door, but I couldn't see anything, nothing was there!

Just then I had a giggle, where did it come from?

I turned around quickly, just to see an anime girl in school uniform staring at me with a dead cat in her arms. Did she know it was deceased? That's kind of weird...

"What are you doing here? In my attic?" I sat on top of the trap door my legs crossed like a pretzel awaiting her excuse. She just stared at me, not saying anything... Just... Staring.

She looked kind of... 2D?

Well I guess she is an anime character, I think that's normal.

Because it was so ultra weird and cringe and so so so so not smexy! I galloped my way out of the attic!

~~~~

When I galloped my way down there, I saw Boris and Donald on all fours looking around under the sofa, under the table, everywhere!

Did they lose something?

"What the hell guys?! Why didn't you guys come and get me? I've been up there for days, the only food and water I had on offer with a leaky pipes and bugs!"

They looked up at me, hopeful? Relieved? I don't know, I can't describe it. The eyes were so bright, they look so happy to see me. Not gonna lie I kind of hated it.

"Oh my God! Y/N!! There you are! Where the Heckity heck have you been?! We've been looking in all the small crevices and little holes for days for you!" Boris yelled at me.

"Yeah, we even searched in SpongeBob's manky hole!!" Donald yelled.

I couldn't believe it. They were looking for me the whole time? They were just too silly silly little billy and dumb to notice search in the attic? Did they even know we had an attic? I feel like such a Squidward right now...

I run over and leap into a train, taking them with me. We were so going to the moon! Do you know what? Maybe I'll even get a straw on the way... I am just so maybe kind of happy!