Boris x reader (weird)

We meet at last

It's an average morning, cloudy as always. I'm sitting in bed watching a Boris montage on TV; oh god, he looks so good with his limp, yellow noodle hair. What I wouldn't give for him to just sit in my bin feeding me seeds..

It was just getting good when suddenly the stupid Tv felt it was a GREAT time to interrupt my beautiful Boris time!!! I was about to complain when I suddenly heard his angelic voice. I look at the screen. It was him! He was doing one of his sexy speeches! I decided that this was it. I needed to be there in person, to hear his smooth, sultry voice...

I quickly jumped up and got dressed into a nice Christmas jumper decorated with Brussels sprouts. Boris loved sprouts. I rushed over to a lonely plane on the road, the pilot was a handsome toad. I jumped onto his plane and he greeted me "Good day ma'am.. did you need a ride?"  He was almost as polite as Boris! "Yes please!" I climbed into the plane and licked the top of his head, he smiled then off we went..

~~~

The flight took 2 hours but luckily for me, by the time I got there Boris had only just started his second point for the speech. It was hard for him to say things between his stammers and he often liked to procrastinate to distract the poor so he could set up all his parties. He was a party boy at heart. He couldn't stand having to act all professional, I admire that about him..

I was there in the crowd, but I wanted to be up there! With him, I wanted to feel his delicious.. moist.. salty skin.. I started to claw my way to the front of the crowd.

As I got closer our eyes met. This could have been because of my Brussel sprout jumper or I suppose it could have been because I was charging towards him with my tongue hanging out of my mouth.. but I just know it was because of my jumper! I knew he would love it.

A couple of weirdos tried to stop me from getting to my Boris, they were all dressed in black with some stupid glasses. Who do they think they are? Trying to stop me from finally getting my my one true love! "Move!!" I screamed as I proceeded to karate chop them into the sun.

They were out of my way, I was so close to him! It's finally time! I start running towards him "Boris!!! I love you!!" I leaped into his arms. He caught me. "Uh- I uh UH! Hi, I'm Boris." He said, aw he thinks I don't know! "I know.. I know everything about you! I'm Y/N"
A slight blush appeared on Boris's pale, crusty cheeks.. I leaned towards him and kissed those very salty, blushing cheeks.. he held me with one arm. Oh god he reminds me of Squidward.. I love it. He threw the mic at a reporter then waddled inside his house.

As soon as we got inside there was an overwhelming smell of sweat and crusty old men. How dare he. He thinks I wouldn't notice! I know Donald has been here too! I can smell him!

I got down from his arms and slapped him with a nearby fish. "HOW DARE YOU!! DONALD SHOULDN'T BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU!! YOU KNOW HE LIKES YOUR TIGHT BUNS ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME!!" Boris looked like a sad anime girl, tears welling, the sad pose.. it made me feel like such a chair!

I caressed his nose.. "I'm sorry my moist little Buttrag.." he blushed at the name.. I know he's always wanted to be called that.. I should know, I've read his diary..  there's some juicy stuff in there!

We walked further Into the house and I sprayed some air freshener to hide Donald's scent. I know he's here somewhere.. I'll find him later.

"Y/N.. could you possibly.. eat this fish for me..?"

Boris doesn't like fish.

"No boris.. I'm sorry but.. I just can't! I don't like fish either..."

This was the saddest scene in history.. this.. cooked fish just.. on the side.. no one willing to eat it.. Boris looked down then up and smiled.

"I know!! Let's set it free!" He grabbed the fish off the plate and chucked it out the window. You could here the sweet screams from the reporters from here.. it was so romantic!

~A couple hours later~

It was late now.. we were both tired but the sleeping arrangements had still not been made. We knew I couldn't go back to my house.. it just wasn't possible, I had to be near Boris! We decided that it would probably be best if I stayed in the guest room and Boris stayed in him own.. deliciously smelling room.. oh god it smells like chicken and lube.. I must find my way in there one day..

We went to bed.. I proceeded to have sweet dreams about sniffing his hair in a cream bath.. with kiwis.. and Donald watching cause he's a little jealous octopus that couldn't get Boris even if I was a dead scooter!

Hm... I can't wait for tomorrow.. when I can see my Boris again.. it will be so great..!