The Avenger's Soul

The Only Light in the Darkness (Part 2)

"She left. I'm sure if I had asked her where, she wouldn't have told me."

"Wow. So, no goodbye? No nothing?" I said with a frown. "She never felt anything for us, did she? She just played us so she could keep an eye on Coulson," I frowned. I knew she wasn't Hydra but it just reminded me of their mind games.

"That was her mission," Ward said.

"Did you feel anything for her?" I asked as I sat cross legged on the couch and looked at him.

"Um...no. The only comfort we took in each other was knowing we didn't have to."

"You can't choose to feel," I told him.

"Usually, I can," he replied.

I stared at him and bit my bottom lip, it was one of my nervous habits.

"It's different with us," Ward added. He stood and walked over toward the monitors.

"Us" is a strong word," I commented, not really knowing how I felt about him. To be honest the only person I could really think about at the moment was Steve, but I chalked that up to it almost being his birthday. Only a few hours now.

I watched as Ward reached out and grabbed a bottle of liquor.

"I mean, I know I kissed you, but to be fair I thought there was a 97% chance we were gonna...die," I said. I laughed as he opened the bottle and poured us both drinks. I decided not to mention that alcohol had no effect on me. "But we didn't die."

"Which is good," Ward said.

"Yes, that is very good. But there's still no rush on us being an "us". It's not like it's a good time to start anything," I said slowly.

"There's never a good time. We've got to start somewhere," Ward pointed out.

He held one of the glasses out to me and I gave him a warm smile.

"If that's how you felt, you had a funny way to show it," I said.

"Specialists don't spend time with a lot of people. The ones we do, we're all cut from the same cloth," Ward tried to explain.

"Black Kevlar?" I joked.

"Trained to get the job done, keep emotions in check. But you – you're different," I could understand where he was coming from. Being raised by Hydra hadn't given me much opportunity to feel anything other than hatred, fear, and other negative emotions. It hadn't been till I met the avengers and then Coulson and everyone in Shield that I had started to open myself up more as well.

"Different" bad?" I prodded.

"Bad for me. I didn't want to think about you. I wanted to stay focused. And then I saw you, after you were shot...fighting to stay alive? But you're right. I'm Kevlar. You're not," Ward said. I frowned, thinking that was only half true.

"You don't have to be. You don't have to shut people out," I told him. It was what I had been telling myself ever since I met Coulson. It was actually something he had said to me.

Ward look3; down and away when I said this.

"Yeah, I do," I couldn't blame him, that had been my exact response to Coulson.

"There are things about me...that you wouldn't like if you knew," he said.

"You think I don't have skeletons?" I asked him.

"It's different. You're...Good." I bit my tongue to stop my knee jerk reaction to say that I wasn't.

"So are you!" I chose to say instead.