Monday, January 31, 2022, 5:55PM
I don't know what to feel anymore, what to do anymore. I cant get a hold of my emotions and everything's all over the place. Once I cry then I want to bang my head in the wall for being so stupid. There are so many things that have made me what I am and most are not something to be proud of. I want to go back and say it out loud that i miss it, but i shouldn't and i can't. I brought it upon myself when i made that decision. Why a mind change all of a sudden? I was fine, I was great this past 2 months. Now I cant even recognize myself anymore.
It stings like a bitch and i cant go on anymore. The smallest things triggers me and my mental health is fucked up. I thought I was recovering but I wasn't. i try so much to be positive and get through everyday because it has some sort of purpose. Its difficult. Its suffocating. I don't have hope anymore, no plans or any idea of what i want to do. Just letting life take me where it wants even if it means for it do take me down a cliff. I couldn't care any less. I don't see a reason to. Funny how i wanted 2022 to be the one year where i do everything correctly.
Its hurts so bad and i cant take it anymore. the worst part is that i cant even put an end to it. I'm that much of a pussy. i don't have the guts to. i am useless, i have no worth, i am nothing but a piece of trash lying on the floor. letting everyone walk over me because i wear my heart on my sleeve but try to act to hopeful and positive. its all an act, and its over now.
YOU ARE READING
melancholy
Non-Fiction"It hurts and it hurts so bad that it burns so deep down" Sometimes life becomes so painful, you can't go on without falling apart melancholy- noun; a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. -A place for me to vent out everythi...
