Tuesday, December 7, 2021 6:37 PM
I failed, again. I cant make everyone happy and i know that but does that mean that i cant even make myself happy? This is all so much on me. At this point i don't even know how i am surviving. Its like im holding on by the end of a thread and that is the only thing keeping me from dying. Even if i wanted to, i couldn't. I don't have the guts to. That's how much of a coward i am, That's how scared i am. And it hurts me to be like this. I cant stand it. Keeping up with everything with a freaking smile on my face
sometimes i wonder how long till i last. will i even last long enough? its scary and dark. Its how it is on my mind. I try running from it but it drags me back to itself all again. i brought all this upon myself, i don't think ill ever be able to forgive myself for whatever thoughts i have. Im turning into my biggest nightmare and im trying so hard for no one to find out but its hard. the damn fake laugh, smile, jokes. its all tiring. wish i could just do it and get it done with but as always, i don't have the guts and i never will. and im feel sorry mom and dad for what is waiting. I just wish i wasn't such a disgrace to them, every time i do something i end up disappointing them. not once, not twice but every single time. if only i was the daughter they wished for.
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melancholy
Non-Fiction"It hurts and it hurts so bad that it burns so deep down" Sometimes life becomes so painful, you can't go on without falling apart melancholy- noun; a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. -A place for me to vent out everythi...
