So It's You (Villa Martinez Series #4)

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Pain

I woke up in the hospital and was told that I lost my baby. It was the most painful thing that ever happened to me. I was willing to give up everything when I learned that I was pregnant. I let go of all my anger and pain for my unborn child. I let go of my vengeance. Dahil mas mahalaga para sa akin ang aking anak. Sobrang laki ba ng pagkakamali ko? May kulang ba sa mga ginawa ko para kunin sa akin ang anak ko...

I'm not a perfect person. I have my fair share of mistakes and wrongs in the past. Pero kapalit ba ang anak ko? It was too painful that I felt like I was drowning and I can't even save myself despite knowing how to swim to the surface. And no one can rescue me. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ako makakabangon pa. Pakiramdam ko ay pinagkaisahan ako ng mundo. Para akong buhay pa pero patay na sa loob. I feel like I lost all hope in me when I lost my baby...

"Ate..."

Slowly I moved to my right side of the bed from the left wherein I was facing the wall. I didn't want to face anyone for days that became weeks. Hindi agad ako nakalabas sa ospital because I was unstable. Kahit si mommy at daddy ay hindi ko makausap. Ryder's parents were there but I also refused to talk to them. Lalo na si Ryder... The moment I knew that I already lost my child was the same moment I turned my back at him completely. I was done with him. My anger towards him was to the roof. I also blame myself for our lost child pero sa kaniya ko sinisi ang lahat. Pakiramdam ko ay kasalanan niya ang pagkawala ng anak namin.

"Sandro..." I called my brother who also visited me in the hospital.

He helped me get up like what I wanted to. Naupo siya roon sa isang upuan sa tabi lang ng hospital bed ko. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to come here to you sooner... Nag-away kami ni Daddy. Even Mom was pressuring me. Nagkaproblema ang kompanya and you're not around. And... I don't think I can face you after seeing how you reacted the moment we knew that we l-lost your b-baby..." his voice shook.

Hindi ko alam kung nandito ba siya noon pero base sa sinabi niya siguro nga ay nandito siya noong nagwala ako nang malaman na wala na ang anak ko...

"It's... okay... It's okay, Sandro." I tried to give him a small smile. Kahit pa madalas din kaming dalawa na magtalo noon dahil sa pagiging pabaya rin niya kahit sa kaniyang pag-aaral ay nag-aalala lang naman ako sa kapatid ko. Ayaw kong tuluyan siyang maligaw ng landas.

"It's been weeks, ate... How are you now..." maingat na tanong niya.

"I wanna go out of here, Sandro. Hindi lang ako pinapayagan nina Daddy... They think I'm sick."

Umiling si Sandro. "What will you do after you come out of here?"

"I don't know..."

Muling umiling si Sandro. "If that's your answer then maybe you should really stay here still."

"I'm okay-"

"You're not okay! You tried to hurt yourself!"

Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. I know... I really did tried to harm myself after knowing about my miscarriage...

"I-I will not harm myself anymore, Sandro..." I said after a while.

He was looking at me with doubt in his eyes. Until he heaved a sigh. "I know you're hurt, ate... That you're in pain. But this shouldn't be the end of you! Where's the fierce Alecxandra Ventura I know? My sister is a fighter." as if he desperately reminded me that.

Tears pooled in my eyes until it wet my cheeks. I sobbed. Mabilis akong kinulong ni Sandro sa mga bisig niya. I cried on my brother's chest. I was still in pain. Parang kahapon lang nangyari na nalaman kong wala na ang anak ko. I felt like the pain of my loss was endless.

"I just want to get out of here, Sandro! Staying here in the hospital is just adding to my insanity! Mababaliw ako nang tuluyan kung patuloy n'yo pa rin akong ikukulong dito..."

"Hush," he tried to calm me.

The next time that Sandro went to me at the hospital ay sinabi niyang makakalabas na ako. Nandoon din ako doctor ko na hinayaan din ako.

I stayed with Sandro in a condo. Ayaw niyang pabayaan ako kaya nanatili siya sa tabi ko. He insist that for helping me out of the hospital. Siya lang ang kinakausap ko kaya nag-aalala siya dahil kahit hanggang noon ay hindi ko pa rin kinkausap kahit ang parents namin...

"Where are you going? Manang texted me that you're going out." si Sandro na mukhang nagmadaling makauwi matapos ipaalam sa kaniya ni Manang. Kinuha niya si Manang sa bahay para may kasama ako rito sa condo kapag wala siya. Iyon daw daw ang gusto ni mommy.

I continued doing my makeup. "I'm bored here, Sandro. It's been weeks na nakakulong lang ako rito sa condo mo. It's time for me to go out and have some... fun, too..."

"What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes at my brother's overacting concern for me. "Sandro, ako pa rin ang mas matanda sa ating dalawa. I know what I'm doing."

"Are you sure?"

I sighed loudly. "Yes, Sandro." binalingan ko siya at tiningnan.

Matagal pa bago siya muling nagsalita at hinayaan ako. I smiled. "Thanks. Stop acting like a father to me, okay? I'm your older sister. And I swear, Sandro, I'm fine now. I just want to party a little..."

"Fine, ate... Just please take care. And call me immediately for anything." bilin pa niya.

Ngumiti lang ako sa kapatid ko at kinuha na ang purse ko. I also chose to drive my car kahit pa ayaw ni Sandro. Wala na rin siyang nagawa because his older sister was being a headache to him. Ngayon alam na niya ang pakiramdam ko noon kapag siya naman ang matigas ang ulo at hindi nakikinig sa akin.

I arrived at an exclusive superclub. I got an invitation here too from a college friend. Agad din nila akong sinalubong when they knew I already arrived at the place. No one talked about my life now... or my husband... or what happened to me. I clearly told them that I just wanted to have fun and they oblige.

"It's been a long time, Alecx!" si Ciara na inabutan ako ng isang drink, voice loud because of the music in the place.

Ngumiti lang ako and I danced with the music and an alcoholic drink in hand. Pinikit ko pa ang mga mata para lalong damhin ang musika. Until I felt someone dancing near me. I opened my eyes and danced with the handsome stranger. Until his hands held me by the sides of my waist. I just gave him a sultry smile and continued dancing. He's also hot. "You're hot." he manly whispered in my ear. I just giggled.

Hanggang sa naramdaman ko nalang ang mukha niya malapit sa mukha ko and he was fast that his lips were already pressed against my mouth. Bahagya pa akong natigilan pero kalaunan with all the hurt and pain I was still feeling I let him explore the insides of my mouth.

His hand was already palming my breast with my skimpy dress when someone broke us apart. Lasing na akong nag-angat ng tingin sa taong pumagitna sa amin. But before I can think more I already pass out.