this is what it feels like ☆ vinnie hacker fan fic

16- one step in front of the other ♡

y/n's pov
i went to my room and got ready for the day. netflix called and decided that they wanted the first episode to be about me moving out so came to film a week early. i felt slightly nervous about being on camera 24/7 now but hoped it was something i'd get used to.

me and thomas drove the apartment complex and as i said goodbye to vinnie it made me realise i'd be leaving him. but, i couldn't give up my dream for a boy i hardly know though. right? plus, we haven't really discussed the kiss so i don't really know where his head is at. ugh why are relationships so complicated.
we pulled up to the apartment block and thomas looked at me before getting out the car "you ready?" "i think so!" i say smiling massively. we walked up to the apartment and the estate agent gave thomas the same tour i received the other day. "wow, this is literally perfect" thomas says looking round in amazement. we talked with the guy and put down an offer. he went in the bedroom to call the owners and see if they accepted the offer. we see him walk out the bedroom with a straight face i could not tell what he was thinking. "congratulations the place is yours" he says smiling and handing me a set of keys. "oh my god, thank you so much!" i gave thomas a massive hug. (i'm aware buying a place is nowhere near as easy as this but just go with it lol)

even though we'd bought the place there wasn't much we could do yet as i had i no furniture and had to wait a few days for the money to clear so i decided not to tell olivia yet and wait until i was officially moved in to surprise her. i did text vinnie though. 

vinnie

Y/N: 

GUESS WHATTTTT

vinnie:

i couldn't possibly guess

Y/N:

I GOT THE APARTMENT

vinnie:

OMFG Y/N!!!
IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

i smiled but part of me was sad to be leaving vinnie. and thomas i guess, like it's going to be so weird being independent and living alone. what if i get lonely? maybe i didn't think this through properly. 

we arrived home. i ran straight upstairs to see vinnie. he was laying on his stomach on his bed watching tv. i barged into the room and jumped straight on his bed putting him in headlock. i let go and looked up and smiled. he laughed too. "you need to come see the place!" i say to vinnie making myself comfortable on his bed. i laid back against his headboard and he moved back and joined me. "i'd love to, i was waiting for an invite" vinnie says jokingly jabbing my side. "well sure let me just go tell thomas" i joke pointing to the door. "well obviously he can't know" "why don't we go later like when everyone is asleep?" i suggest. "so like a late night drive?" vinnie smiles. "if you wanna call it that" i smirk. "well that's literally what it is" vinnie laughs. "well yes, ugh you're so difficult" i say slapping him. he then leans over me tickling my sides making me squeal. he then softly stops and he stays in front of me, leaning over. our faces are inches apart and suddenly we both quiet, the only thing we can hear is our breathing. i can't take the tension anymore and i lean in. this will tell me how he truly feels. and thank god, he kisses me back. we kiss for a few seconds and then it becomes a bit more heated. we're making out now. the butterflies in my stomach are getting more and more intense to the point where i feel like i might throw up. we're then disrupted by a buzz from vinnie's phone. "fuck, it's my alarm to stream" vinnie says. "are you kidding me?" i jokingly say. "i'm sorry" he starts kissing me again and then stops. "no but i really should stream, i didn't do it yesterday and lost 100 followers, i need to provide rent somehow" he says getting up. "no, come live with me i'll let you off rent free" i try convince him, grabbing his hand to pull him back. "don't tempt me" he pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses it. fuck. these butterflies are way too intense now. "okay well i'm going to go sit in my room and cry" i jokingly say trying to make him feel guilty. "okay, you do that" he says putting his headset on, knowing i'm joking. i walk out his room and stand against the closed door for a second, smiling processing what had just happened. 

i then walked over to my room and sat by my piano by my window. it's only noon but today had already been a crazy day. so much has changed in such little time. my feelings for vinnie were still unclear to me. of course i liked him, but do i love him? i don't know if i'm capable of loving anyone ever again after what happened with jake. he quite literally took my heart out of my chest and stamped on it. to be honest, even kissing vinnie was a big step for me. i didn't think i'd ever kiss a boy or show them any part of me ever again. but me and vinnie haven't really discussed our feelings yet so it's easier for me to not have to think about it instead i just go with the moment but i feel like it's going to catch up with me. i decide to write down my thoughts in my journal and then write a song about it all. writing songs for me is the only way to get my thoughts of my head onto paper and to express myself creatively. 

after about an hour, i finish up the bridge and i have a song. it's called 'one front in front of the other' (actually written by griff but again imagine you wrote it, linked at the top if you want to listen :) 

I didn't think I'd get back up
I didn't think I'd be alright again

i really didn't think i'd ever show anyone any part of me ever again. 

And you'll probably never realise
Or never even know
But when you let me talk for hours and hours like forever
And after that, yeah, I let you hold me close

no one's ever let me just talk and express my emotions like vinnie has. i think this is part of the reason i was so open with him.

Without you I can't put one foot in front of the other today
I stretched my arms out wide and it felt real strange
And then my legs, they started shaking
And my hands, they started quaking
'Cause things just take longer to heal these days

I'm coming for you, babe

It takes a minute to get ya, yeah
But wait, I'm nearly at your pace
Oh yeah, I'm coming for you, babe

since meeting vinnie he has pushed me to be more independent with moving out but also helping my reach a more mature version of myself emotionally and without him i probably wouldn't have spoken to thomas about moving out and would have never gone through with it. but i'm still no where ready to open myself up fully. i don't know if he is either. but i know if he is the right person he will wait and one day i'll get there, it just takes time but i'm getting there.