melancholy

i

There are certain things that really matter in life. And there a certain period of your life where you come to realize them. For a lot of people, Its the time of early indolence, teen years, pre-teen years and some just never get it. They get lost along the way. Been trying so hard since the beginning that they just slowly start getting off track and they don't even know it. Been chasing many things at once that cause them to a sort of situation they can't seem to find a way out of.

There is so much you have to do in your everyday life that you need to stop for a while and just process, Really just take time to process it. Think of what you are doing and if its going to do you or anyone else any good in the near future. Now I'm not a therapist neither do I try to be. I just do what is called simple human decency and give out an honest opinion along with telling what you think might be good to do. And that is what I think everyone really should do.

This one time I was helping a online friend of mine at Discord, I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with the app which basically helps you communicate with strangers online and have more friends/people to talk to. The platform is mainly for servers of School, Gaming, Online Websites and fun purposes. Anyways so, The friend was facing issues with her health and doing every other human being would do, I went up to her to make sure she was alright and if she needed help. Turns out she was dealing with anxiety, pressurizing family and depression leading to suicidal thoughts.

I started talking to her and taking things seriously. I was there everyday. Made sure she doesn't end up doing something she would not like. Now, the first time when I started talking to her with extra care, people started gossiping and telling me why am I so obsessed, why do I care, what is she to me and I should stop doing whatever the heck to get attention. I was called an attention seeker, wannabe, and basically people went around saying I did all that to put up an image, and that I was being fake.

If mi going to be completely honest transparent right now then I really don not care. I never did and I never will. I don't have any interest in going up to random people and spend 24/7 with them as if I have nothing to do at all. I've no interest in listening to people rant about their lives when mine is equally or more messed up. So no, I'm not doing it for the image. All I know is that mi just trying to help someone go through something serious and so sensitive that even the smallest word can ruin everything. So for your answer, I know she is no one to me and that she might not even remember me in a few years but mi doing what a person has to do. She owes me absolutely nothing and I'm just helping her live in peace

By the grace of Lord, After a few months, She recovered and started over fresh.

What I learnt is to appreciate what you have, whatever you are given. It is a gift by the Almighty Allah. And you should be grateful. I don't have the perfect life, family, nor advantages. I do what I can and what is in my abilities. I don't have the understanding family, They are hard to deal with and have lots and lots of boundaries but at least vie a mom and a dad who manage to earn and spend for me and my sister. They argue a lot, I've a lot of family problems and so does everyone. Even the person who seems to have everything set in the right way in their lives, has their own flaws and disadvantages.

I'm not a positive person, I'm not always me, If mi going to be honest then I am never me. The only place where I am myself is when mi alone so when you say that you know me well enough to talk about or for me, *chuckles* you look like a clown.

I'm not the person who always looks to the bright side of everything, I'm the opposite actually. Optimistic is the one word that can never ever ever be used to describe Ruqaiyya. I believe that life can be and is a bitch Anyways, Life is not all sunshine and rainbows. At least that is one thing I agree with mankind. it is painful, hard and just doesn't want you reaching your goals. It cant stand you being happy. BUT if you are lucky enough, You get blessed by an angel somewhere in the universe looking down at you and you seem to get what everyone else wished they had. Happiness, Wealth, Well education, Beauty with brains and what not.

This is the part where I say, Get your priorities right, your goals set, your ambitions in order and figure out how you are going to keep up. Life is a race where everyone keeps running to win it Everyone against each other to who will reach the finish line first even if it means breaking the rules, its the game of life. You stop once and that's the end for you. You can't get to the finish line pan time no matter how hard you try. So get it right people

At times i feel like life is leading me to the wrong direction. Gives misleading signs that seems to make sense but later on messes up everything. 

I feel life giving up on me, i feel myself giving in to whatever it is that ive to go through. I can feel my life falling apart piece by piece, Slowly and painfully. Torturing while it lasts. Ive done things that disappoint others, yes but what does that have to do with my sanity just disappearing from existence? Its like everyday is nothing more then another day to go through without getting hurt. It has no point anymore.

I never thought i'd be like this, I always dreamt of making my dad proud and my mom happy. Having a good bond with my sister. Living the life with loving and caring people by my side and just peace. Unfortunately, Reality kicked in where its not sunshine and rainbows ever. That resulted to this. None of those agendas were ever fulfilled. Even if i had, At some point it was always me who broke it again.

I dont think ill ever get to live the life i had wished for myself. That my family had wished for me. I tried my best to do whatever but its not enough. Nothings in my capabilites and im just not it. I dont have what it takes and that just hurts. Maybe not in this life but i hope one day, Just one day i can fulfill all that and gift them what they truly deserve.