The Hurt And The Healing: Bucky X OC

Chapter Eight Four: Relatively Normal

"Well," Dr. Grover said with a sharp exhale as she set down her pen, "that certainly explains why you missed last week's session."

"Kidnapped by a madman and tortured to the point of requiring surgery is a great excuse for missing anything," Mara agreed with a weak chuckle. Bucky rubbed her back and forced a smile at her quip. He was relieved that she was to the point of joking about her trauma. In his experience that was a key step. Some days it felt like dark humor was the only thing lighting his day. But he also hated to hear Mara so much as reference what had happened to her. Her assurances that he had not failed her had taken the sting out of his guilt. Yet a dull ache still remained, and he could not help but wince at the memories.

"Yes, I think that is an acceptable addendum to my cancelation policy," Dr. Grover agreed, a twinkle in her eye. "But you look good for someone who nearly died."

"The second Wakanda starts taking immigrants I'm applying," Mara said firmly. "If it wasn't for Shuri I'd still be drugged up in the hospital. Now I just have some PT to make sure my wrist gets back to normal."

"And that's an attainable goal?" Dr. Grover asked with her head slightly cocked. "Normal?" There was no accusation in her tone, but Bucky still had a feeling there were several questions nested in that one word.

"I think so," Mara said, her voice slow. "In my professional experience, broken wrists can heal well. I just need to favor my right side for a few more weeks. And in the meantime," she held up her left wrist with its glittering Vibranium brace, "Bucky and I are twinning."

Dr. Grover smiled at the joke, but Bucky had had enough sessions to know when she was unconvinced. So when she shifted in her seat to face him better, he had already started thinking through his answer to her predictable question.

"Bucky, what do you think?" she asked with a smile. "Do you think that normal is an attainable goal?"

"I don't know about the wrist stuff," he began slowly, "but if I was able to find normal once, I think we'll be able to do it again."

"But something disrupted your normal," Dr. Grover reminded him. "Do you still consider the past couple of months to have been normal, knowing what happened last week?"

Bucky scowled slightly.

"What does that mean?" he asked, an edge to his response even though he knew they paid Dr. Grover to ask the tough questions. They also paid her to put up with his brooding, so he didn't feel too guilty about the slightly soiled look he gave her as she folded her hands neatly in her lap and looked at him inquisitively.

"I mean that sometimes when a trauma arises it causes us to look back at the past differently than we did before. Do you regret anything from the previous months you didn't regret before?"

"I regret not leveling the whole block to ensure Movoniv's death," he said coldly, his fingertips digging into the soft part of Mara's back slightly at the reminder of his failures. She glanced at him and he softened his hold, but not quickly enough for Dr. Grover to miss it.

"There are a lot of emotions in that sentiment. Can you use an 'I Feel' statement?" she asked, her tone neutral despite the micro expression that made Bucky instinctively eye the door. But instead of bolting he got more comfortable on the couch and he mentally prepared to spill his emotional innards onto the floor.

"I feel-" He sighed heavily and tried to think of the word to describe the pit in his stomach. "I feel-" he tried again, but the word wouldn't come. He glanced at Mara who patted his knee and gave him a sad smile. "I feel like there's a brick wall between me and the word I'm supposed to be using," he finally answered with an even deeper scowl.