The Hurt And The Healing: Bucky X OC

Chapter Seventeen: Help! I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!

"You've reached Sam Wilson. I'm unable to come to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"

"Sam, hey, it's me, Buck-" he paused and swallowed. "Listen man, I'm in a bad place right now. And I know you're busy being Captain America but-" something was caught in his throat. He couldn't breath, couldn't get the words out. "Just, call me back," he managed to say before hanging up.

The sound of Mara's sobs still echoed in his mind, and his chest ached where she had beat her fists against him. He deserved it. Deserved all of it. But she didn't deserve to have that bombshell dropped in her lap.

He hoped that Sam was right, that eventually her knowing the truth would help her heal. That she'd tell Nonna and together they would move on. Nonna... Bucky couldn't bear to think how she would react when Mara told her the truth.

As Bucky wandered through the Bronx Mara's tear streaked face blurred with Alex's blood smeared one. Their yelling... did they sound the same while yelling or was that his memory playing tricks on him again? Fists raised, spirits broken, begging him to leave, they came in and out of focus. For a moment they were separate, then Alex was bleeding in the kitchen and Mara was screaming at the army base and Bucky was killing them both.

The bridge, when had he reached the bridge? He was standing on the edge, looking out, trying to see something in the darkness. A few cars drove past, but the city was still shut down after the Flag Smashers attack. He was alone. His metal hand was wrapped around one of the cables and his weight rocked forwards and backwards and forwards.

The Winter Soldier wasn't dead, he was dormant. He was lurking, sitting in the passenger seat waiting for the first chance he got to grab the wheel. No one could kill the Winter Soldier except Bucky. Didn't he owe that to Mara, Nonna, Alex, Yori, RJ, Howard, Maria, Tony, everyone? His last act on earth could be killing the Winter Soldier. It wasn't poetic but it was justice.

He had fallen off of a bridge before, what was one more time?

"Don't you dare," a familiar voice said. Bucky looked up to see Redwing hovering in front of him. "I know what you're thinking, but you're White Wolf, not a Great White," Sam's voice continued through the drone. "So get your geriatric ass off that ledge and wait for me. I'm two minutes out."

Bucky hesitated.

"If you jump, Redwing will be the one to save you and I'll never let you forget it!" Sam threatened. Bucky chuckled mirthlessly.

"Get that piece of junk out of my face," he said dryly as he stepped back onto the pavement. The drone flew forward, hovering between him and the ledge.

"I need to get Redwing a baby brother just to keep an eye on you. I'll name him Life Alert," Sam retorted.

The sound of propulsion jets reached Bucky's ears, and a few seconds later Sam flew into view. He was still gleaming white despite the fight, and Bucky actually smiled. The suit looked good on him.

"I got your call, what's up?" Sam asked as he landed. Bucky sat down on the sidewalk and Sam joined him.

"I told Mara the truth," he said quietly. "It went roughly how I expected it to."

"Yeah, but that doesn't make it any easier," Sam replied. "Mara is the one with the fiancé, right?"

"Right," Bucky answered. He groaned and buried his face in his hands. "If you had heard her, seen how she took the news... I feel like I just killed another person."

Sam sighed and patted him on the back. "Listen man, telling people that their loved ones are dead, no matter who they are or how long after the fact, it sucks. I still remember the sound of Riley's mom dropping her pot-roast when I asked if she was sitting down."

Bucky nodded. "Mara drove me out with a baseball bat," he said.

"Hey, at least the woman's got style," Sam chuckled dryly.

Bucky didn't reply.

"You did not kill Alex. The Winter Soldier did. And you have not killed Mara," Sam said firmly. "You did the right thing. Which is oftentimes the hard-as-hell thing. You told Mara the truth. Now she can begin to heal from what Hydra did to her family."

Bucky was silent.

"You don't believe me." Sam stated. Bucky shook his head.

"No, that's not it. I just-" he squeezed his hands together as tightly as he could. "I just can't shake how scared she was of me. Like I was only at her apartment to finish the job."

Sam took a deep breath. "Even a fraction of what happened to you is hard to process. Give her time, man." He patted Bucky on the back again, firmly, as if to knock some sense into him. "In the meantime, Cass and AJ have been begging to know when you'll be visiting again."

"Not Sarah?" Bucky asked slyly. Sam groaned and lightly smacked him upside the head.

"I told you not to flirt with my sister," he griped. "Bro code!"

"Does that make us bros?" Bucky asked, the word feeling strange in his mouth.

"No, that makes us never-gonna-be-bros-in-law," Sam clarified. He stood up and stretched before offering his hand to Bucky. "Give her time," Sam reassured him. "From what you've told me, she sounds like a strong woman. She and her Nonna will be okay."

Bucky accepted Sam's outstretched hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"Let me give you a ride home," Sam offered. Bucky laughed.

"You are not flying me home," he said, shaking his head.

"I meant get you a cab, dumbass," Sam retorted. "I ain't carrying you bridal style around New York."

"How are you going to get me a cab ride back to Brooklyn?" Bucky demanded. "The city is practically on a lockdown!"

"Come on man," Sam laughed. "I'm Captain America!"

He extended his wings to their full width and stuck out his thumb. Within a minute a cab pulled over and stopped in front of them.

"Hey! You're Black Cap!" the driver said excitedly. Bucky chuckled and Sam smiled patiently.

"Just Cap, my man. Can you do me a favor and give my coworker here a ride home? I'll make it worth your time."

"Anything for you, Mr. Captain. Can I get your autograph for my kids?"

Sam agreed to the autograph and handed it back to the driver, along with several twenty dollar bills. He turned to Bucky and they shook hands.

"I'm serious about you visiting again," said Sam. "Sarah is planning to have a cookout to celebrate us repairing the boat. It's only right that you be there too."

"Just tell me when and what to bring," Bucky replied.

"Slow down, Mr. Wakanda Forever," Sam laughed. "You spend a few years over there and come back thinking you're Edna Lewis!"

"No, but I know how to run to the grocery store to pick up soda," Bucky retorted. Sam laughed and nodded.

"Alright, I'll tell Sarah," Sam replied. Bucky smiled and got into the cab.

As the cab began to drive away he stuck his head out the window and called back, "tell Sarah I'm looking forward to seeing her!"

He leaned back against his seat and smiled as the sound of Sam's cursing grew faint. He checked his phone, knowing that there would be no messages for him, but hoping nonetheless. His inbox was empty.

Bucky sighed and closed his eyes. He hoped that Sam knew what he was talking about. Mara was a tough woman, she'd be alright. Right?