The Hurt And The Healing: Bucky X OC

Chapter Sixty Five: Frozen In Ice

Mara had tried. She truly had. She had tried to not panic when Bucky did not call or text her after his first therapy appointment. She had tried to pay attention as Nonna prattled through what she had done that day. She had tried to keep her gaze locked on the TV and not the conspicuously empty armchair. And throughout it all she had tried to not feel like a shitty person for worrying about Bucky so much with her fiance in the room. But no matter how many times she forced her train of thought to switch tracks or locked her eyes on something else or distracted herself with a to-do list, she could not shake the horrible boiling sensation in the pit of her stomach.

Mara had been trying all day. And yet she continued to fail.

She was failing everyone. Alex. Her mother. Her father. Bucky. Because there was no way that she could do right by them all. She knew that now. When they were away from home it had been easy to pretend, to forget. When the future cannot be predicted more than a day in advance and the present is consumed by what happened in the past eight weeks, it is easy to live in the moment. Because that is all you have. But the moment was over now. Past, present, and futures that would never be were all contained in one small apartment.

And it was suffocating her.

After trying all day, Mara just wanted to go to bed. To curl up under her covers, hug her pillow with one of Alex's old shirts stretched over it, and sleep a dreamless sleep. But then her phone rang and Bucky's photo popped up on the screen and she owed it to him to try just a little longer.

"Hey, you," she said, hopeful that the tiredness in her voice masked the fake-ness.

"Shit, did I wake you up?" he asked worriedly. She yawned and sat up.

"Nope. Caught me just before I fell asleep though, so apologies if I sound funny."

Oh yes, very convincing, she scolded herself.

"How are you?" she asked before he had enough time to analyze her words.

"I'm fine. And you?"

"Fine. Just tired."

She gently pushed the T-shirt pillow off of her bed. Alex didn't need to be here for this.

"I went to therapy today," Bucky said after the pause grew too long for either of their stubborn selves to handle.

"And? How was it?" Mara asked, suddenly wide awake.

"It was not what I expected," he answered in a measured tone.

"In a good way? Or a bad way?" she pressed anxiously.

"Well, Dr. Grover is nothing like Dr. Raynor."

"So in a good way," she clarified, shoulders slumping in relief.

"I think so?" he replied, voice pitching up in a question. "She's nice. Like, actually nice. We spent most of the session just going over the basics. My background, her approach, stuff like that."

"So she knows about the Soldier?"

"Yeah, I decided to tell her. And I told her about me and Steve. Figured she can't help what she doesn't know about, right?"

"Oh, mio innocente, I am so proud of you!" she exclaimed, the words flowing without trying for the first time all day. "I know that sharing can be painful, especially with everything you've been through already. But I can tell that you are giving this a real shot and I just-" she exhaled as the happiness and relief and pride swept her along. "I am so proud of you."

"Really?" he asked, and Mara could practically hear his self confidence growing.

"Really," she assured him.