Ghosting || Choi Beomgyu

07

If there was one thing, it was that Beomgyu never knew how much toll this letter would affect him.

His place was a mess and so was he. All the evidence between him and her we're scattered all around the house and this is all was due to the anger and sadness ignited in him.

It has been two weeks since she left and he has not left the house since then. Beomgyu remembers how when he finished reading the letter, he felt nothing for the first few minutes but then later found himself crying without him even noticing but at the same time feeling angry.

That exact time and that moment he wanted to have nothing to do with her.

He wanted to forget her.
He wished he never met her that day.
He wished he never made the effort to know her.

He just wanted her out of his life once and for all, Beomgyu hates her for what she did.
For being selfish, for thinking of herself and not considering his feelings in the process.

Did he not love her enough to show her that he would always be there for her and that he was more than willing to help her get through this?

He just does not understand anymore.

Beomgyu is just tired.

Now here he was on the cold kitchen floor lying down starting at the ceiling. The place was full of litter but he didn't care.

He has not been taking care of himself. Skipping classes for two weeks, eating junk or nothing at all. He is barely able to do the normal necessities. It just feels like he is being sucked out of energy.

The growing anger was keeping being pent up and increasing and at this point he was confused.
Did he hate her or did he hate himself?

He does not know if he will ever be able to forgive her.

He collected all of her items around the house and all the things that reminded him of her and wanted to throw them away so he could forget about her quickly but he can't. He simply just can't and that's why he has both of their items lying around the house making a mess.

Beomgyu found himself laughing– laughing at himself for the first time but it was a bitter one.

He doesn't know anymore, is it valid for him to feel like this? Is he just being dramatic and exaggerating things? Is it okay for him to be mad at her and not want to forgive her instead of understanding her?

He pulled his hair screaming and crying in frustration. He hates this, more than anything.

How every single emotion crawl under his skin clawing him in different areas and it hurts, it hurts so so bad that he wants to do something— anything to just make this pain stop.

This sometimes makes him have unhealthy thoughts which are making him scared but he is trying to ignore them.

To make the matters worse the bittersweet memories of them keeps replying like a broken CD torturing him. Breaking his heart over and over again made him wonder was it worth it to love someone and left himself open to this knowing this pain and misery could be one of the consequences?

To him, it seems like they were soulmates who were not meant to be.

If he could erase the memories he would have done it in an instant.
If he could just go somewhere else far and just disappear to a place where no one knows he would have done it.

He just wants to stop these feelings from hurting him more.
Beomgyu was just tired...

A desperate knock on the door snapped him from his thoughts.
Letting out a tired sigh, he gathered up all his energy to get off the floor before making his way towards the door before opening it without seeing who it was.

"Beomgyu...?"