Ghosting || Choi Beomgyu

14

It was late at night when Beomgyu found it the appropriate time to go out to the local park down the street with his trash bag. The sky was pitch black with thousands of stars illuminating the sky, the moon was no where in sight. The world was asleep so was the birds only a few noises made by crickets or a hungry stray cat searching the bin was heard.

Beomgyu remembered there was a burn barrel on the park and thought it would be better to dispose them there. Soobin was not able to accompany him this time since he had an emergency plus also it was late at night but Beomgyu did not mind, he just appreciates the fact that he genuinely cares for him.

Walking to the park, it was lit with a few street light which were mostly dim and some of them shutting off due to lack of power. The atmosphere was calm compared to the raging storm in Beomgyu's heart and mind. He was unsure of many things about himself and his life at the moment. Everything seems wrong to him like every piece of puzzle was kept on the wrong side.

But there was something he was sure of.

He was sure that he needed to get rid of those things. That was the only thing that felt right at the moment.

Deciding to deal with his mixed emotions later, he first set up the fire on the barrel watching it slowly growing bigger with time.

He spent ten minutes watching it like a moth who is attracted to the fire as it warmed him up through the chilly night. The blazing orange colour brought an oddly satisfying feeling in his heart urging him to stay close.
However, the burning wood suddenly burst out sparks making him take a step back pulling him back to reality.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Beomgyu took all of the letters from the trash bag and slowly held it against the fire watching it as it melted away into black mass.

One by one he burned them as if on a cue memories of him and Y/N flashed before his eyes like a old film.

All the laughter, tears, moments of bliss and night spent awake replayed in his mind, making his heart ache.
This was the first times he's feeling the pain in full, not like the usual where he could tune it down or ignore it.

He felt it raw, the agonising feeling of his heart being shred into pieces all caused by someone who promised to love him and not hurt him in any way and look at him now.
Beomgyu can't even recognize himself anymore.

She left him taking away a part of him and crushing him  in the core in the process.

Reality finally sank in for him as he realized how this all has destroyed him and how burning this all could mean the end of them both for good?

A mini wave of panic set into him as he jolted accidentally letting the last remaining letters fall into the fire fueling it as he wanted to scramble to save them.

Maybe he wasn't ready to let go of things yet, maybe it's too soon.

The flames burst big making him take a step further back tripping on the trash bag making him fall.

Maybe there's no such thing as too early or too soon. It's either now or never.

The aching of his heart overpowered his panic making him realize once again that this indeed was the right choice. Allowing to keep those memories would only inflict more pain to him. He wouldn't be able to move on and would be stuck at this state or things could get more worse.

Wiping away tears he didn't realise that felt, he helped himself up. Walking back to the barrel he emptied the trash bag burning it's content one by one watching them being engulfed by the flame. This time though with no regrets.

The memory lane ended with Beomgyu burning the final item and then he just sat there looking at the flame slowly lose its power. Time was flying but it didn't matter to him, he was okay being here.

Though the mixed feelings in his heart was number, his shoulders felt a bit lighter making himself let out a big breath at ease. Even though its not much, he was glad to off load some of the burdens there and then.

Maybe this was the first step to a better him.

Relaxing a few minutes in the dark night, he decided to put off the fire before going back home.

Beomgyu walked back home with memory while his full attention was on the night sky above him. The black sky was painted with thousands of stars but one particular star caught its eyes. It was a bit far away from the rest but it was twinkling weakly almost going dull for a few seconds before twinkling again.

He saw himself as that star but the only thing he didn't know was would he be able to overcome this and shine like the others or would he lose this battle and be forgotten like every dull star out there?

Reaching back home, he roughly removed his shoes not bothering to wear his slippers as he went straight to his bedroom, turning on the lamp nearby which burned his eyes as he quickly changed into his pyjamas.
The fatigue was starting to take a toll on him and he needed to sleep.

Plopping himself on the bed with a "oof" his head sank into the soft pillow as he adjusted himself to get a comfortable position when he heard a crunch of a paper beneath him.
Groaning in annoyance, he rolled out searching for the paper blindly with his hands until he found the paper. Squinting his eyes he quickly perused at the beginning of the later as he quickly realized it was the letter she left for him the day she left. He felt his heart crumble for a bit.

I should probably throw this away too.

He sat on the bed ready to throw it on the bin at the corner of his room but he hesitated and that enough made him not throw it even though his mind screamed that he should get rid of it.

Beomgyu decided to read it one last time before deciding to take another drastic measures.