Unbroken C.B

16

"It's kinda cool that there are certain smells or tastes that help your nausea" Aaliyah said and I nodded, sniffing my wrist again. "It makes me look weird though. Imagine I walk by you and I'm sniffing my wrist intently" I chuckled.

"It's okay, you already look weird" She teased and I rolled my eyes, debating on hanging up on her.

"You know you really made me pause on Gordan Ramsey. Why do you want to put your baby up for adoption anyway?"

"I can't have my baby taken from me due to not being able to take care of it. You realize that if I can't care for this baby, the government will take him or her away from me and the idea of my baby being ripped away from me without my permission feels like someone stabbed me in the heart. You don't understand how terrified I am! No one ever talks about the logistics of having a baby. Everyone talks about how they find out they're pregnant, they tell their friends and family and live happily ever after. This shit fucking sucks. Yes, it's a beautiful thing that I get to grow a baby inside of me, but it isn't like it's a painless experience. I'm 10 weeks along today and I already have back pain, sore boobs, nausea, cravings, almost peeing my pants, not to mention I'm basically lying to people, plus there is the constant fear of losing the baby. You aren't in the clear until it's born. It's terrifying thinking about how I could do one thing wrong and lose my baby. Hell, I could do everything perfectly, and still lose the baby. It's fucking scary how much is out of your control. Not to mention, I still don't know how the fuck am I going to tell Colby I'm pregnant? Everyone else found out by accident! I told you and River because what else was I supposed to do? Katrina found out because my ass almost passed out in a fucking bowling alley. I had to tell Gabriel because he was the father and it's not like I can shove a pregnancy in his face, he isn't the dad. Sam found out because he saw Kat looking at my ultrasound photos. My dad found out because I fucking passed out in the hospital room, same with my siblings. Like how the fuck am I supposed to tell them? I was planning to be moved out by the time I was four months pregnant. I didn't want to include so many people in this." I cried and Aaliyah sighed, leaning against the bathroom door, twisting a threaded bracelet that was on her wrist.

"Is that what this is about? You're worried about Colby?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I'm worried about him being mad at me and kicking me out. I can't afford to live on my own. I honestly need to figure out this money shit before I bring this baby into our lives. Like how will I pay for it? I still need to go to college to even get anywhere with my life, I need to buy my own place before the baby gets here, because I'm not raising a baby with strangers. Whether they're my friends or not, they didn't sign up for a baby to be in their house." It was quiet for a second and rubbed at my eye and Jake spoke up, catching me off guard since I thought he was falling asleep.

"I think tomorrow, we need to sit down and figure out a way to do it. I know you don't want friends and family to give you money, but there are ways you can make more money, we just need to think about it. I don't want you to give up any of your dreams Leighton. You already gave up one of them, and I know you regret it to this day. I don't want that for you Leighton. You're like my sister, I can't lose you. We both know you want to keep this baby, so let's figure it out. Let's go to bed, and then tomorrow we can figure it out okay?" 

~

When Lexi and I walked into the hospital, Landon was standing next to Cynthia with a big smile on his face. "Mom's awake!" He exclaimed, a grin filling out his cheeks.

"What?! Really?!" My face was full of surprise and he quickly nodded. I shoved his text books into his chest that Lexi and I had picked up from their school and ran into her room. "Mom!" I shouted, my eyes tearing up at the smile on her face.