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❝ I want to cry, ❞ I say again. I want to cry and shout and scream at the top of my lungs. I want Aaliyah to hear me hurting, I want her to see me break into pieces, I want her to know how my soul shatters because of her. I want to cry. I want her to see me cry.
I wanted her to say: ❝ It's okay. I'm here, I won't ever hurt you again. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. ❞ But she didn't.
Instead, she wraps her arms around me, and I find myself in between her empty embrace, the scent of her neck, and the softness of her touch. I close my eyes and curl myself against her body. I rest my face against her chest and pretend I'm not crying. This time I couldn't hear her heartbeat. Her cold fingertips run through my hair, somehow calming me down. She whispers, ❝ I need to go now. I need to leave. ❞ Aaliyah pauses. She places a tender kiss on the crown of my head. ❝ I love you. ❞
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life went on for choi yeonjun, but it was never the same again.
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DEDICATIONS! aaliyah. ally-bear. ali-gator. ali. the love of my life, my partner in crime, my ray of sunshine, my stars, my bloody galaxy, my hope, my secret diary, my friend, my sister (god, i wish). you were my everything. thank you for all the good times, the bad times, the ugly times. i'm cherishing it all. every single moment, every single nonsensical text message, every wack and cursed gifs you sent me, every dark and confusing riddles you've sent my way (you've literally destroyed my last two braincells btw). you've inspired me in more ways than one. once again, thank you, aaliyah.
AUTHOR'S NOTE! so, i just want to point out, that this fic was originally meant to be a super "cliché" love story between two losers who try to "fix" each other and blah blah blah (the rest is ancient history). it was based off txt "lovesong" (dropped 31st may 2021) and ever since that came out, i couldn't stop the amount of ideas and scenarios from playing in my head. and i managed to write down the foundation of it all on june 3rd. so i was excited, and i wanted aaliyah to be the first to know about this. but i remembered that she was still in surgery that time, so i wanted to drop the good news to her after she was done. she promised she'll message me first thing when she was out from her surgery and taking a "chill pill" when she arrived at the comfort of her home. but that didn't happen. by now, some of you who were close with aaliyah must know what really happened. so, yeah, i scrapped the idea. i threw it in the trashcan (not really, i just dumped it in "trash ideas" folder) and left it there.
of course, a couple of months go by, and i still had the google doc staring at me every now and then. so, i manged to pick up my lady balls and finally start working on it. i don't know why i was so compelled to continue it, but i couldn't help it. i discarded the original plot and made it into something entirely different. this new version is still based off txt "lovesong" (but with a twist) and also from my original ideas. i wanted to find a way to remember her in all her glory and grieve for her the only way i could. so, i wrote this story and completed it in a month. i'm surprised and shocked that i actually wrote out my first ever novella with only aaliyah in mind. i did this in hopes of finally fulfilling a promise i kept to aaliyah and writing this fic for her. but i know this whole aaliyah thing is still fresh in some people's mind, it certainly is for me, and that you'll be sensitive with the way i used her name throughout all of this. because of that, i sincerely apologise to you all. but i hope you can give this fic a chance. who knows? maybe you can find a piece of aaliyah in my messed-up madness.
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TW! trauma, death/dying, suicidal thoughts. (remember to surround yourself with people who can provide you with lots of emotional support and to also practice self-care before, during, & after reading this book.)
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started! (JUNE 3RD, 2021) NOVEMBER 19TH, 2021 ended! DECEMBER 27TH, 2021 published! JANUARY 31ST, 2022
