Bts sickfics, hurt & comfort

Ship Wars (Jimin & Jungkook)

Jungkook definitely had a headache now. His eyes were starting to be too watery to read the messages properly anymore and maybe that was a blessing. He decided against trying to fight it and let himself cry freely . He had worked on himself for years and he thought he was good at expressing his emotions now. He wasn't the little boy who found himself confused and uncomfortable at the idea of affection and skinship, and he considered the members the closest thing he had to a second family. He had learned to embrace sides of himself that he didn't know existed, partly thanks to Jimin. He had finally shown his tattoos to the world and thought he learned to be more loving and transparent on camera. But now he felt discouraged when his efforts clearly hadn't gotten him the results he hoped for.

You're mean. Apparently he hadn't been able to open up like he thought. The fans sometimes knew him better than himself, while other times they had gotten him so wrong. And now Jungkook couldn't tell the two images apart. All he knew was that they saw something in him that he hated to be associated with and it was the reason why his hyung was getting thrown under the bus. He felt selfish and incapable for not being able to control the perception of his persona. The maknae had a hard time showing his true self and barely knew who that person was himself. He had vowed to be more honest in front of his fans, but now he didn't think he even knew where to start. He's thankful no one could see him right now, and hopes Jimin is sleeping instead of witnessing the mess their fans made online.

Jimin's POV.

Jimin was reading every single comment. His mind was numb. Hobi was sleeping soundly next to him. He was glad to be at the dorm at the moment but a part of him also wished to be left alone. Army seemed to think that he was an attention seeker -and it hurt. He couldn't help the way he felt when it came to the members or Jungkook, but he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. The others had assured him many times that they loved his affection and he believed them, most of the time. He cursed himself for having -physical touch- as his main love language: it just gave them fuel to condemn him. Others simply called him fake, said he tried too hard -and that hurt too. The lack of distinction between his idol persona and the young adult he was trying to become seemed to be a problem. All of his interactions with the members were reduced to being called fanservice, and all of his initiatives were deemed to be orders from the company. After watching the videos they attached to their complaints, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe the members had just been too kind to tell him the truth.

Maybe they all secretly hate me. No, he knew they didn't, that was stupid of him to think. And now he felt guilty for doubting their sincerity. Good friends trust their friends. Why couldn't he? Jimin knew that he had come a long way when it came to his body image and his relationship with the others. He had never been a person that asked for help easily, always blaming himself and working himself to the bone instead of reaching out. Being a perfectionist didn't help, but the others had been there for him. So maybe they hadn't lied, but surely he didn't need to push his luck and become a burden just now. Some comments were cursing him for keeping Jungkook and Taehyung apart. He never had played any part in their current distance, if anything he wished his two best friends wouldn't hesitate to enjoy each other's company. So while he knew that he hadn't actually done any of the things they accused him of, a part of him that he thought he had buried long ago longed to agree with the insults they wrote. The whole Covid lockdown had exposed a certain vulnerability in him and it scared him to feel such raw emotions again.

It was no secret that he had struggled about his perception of himself as well as with the image he wished to show to his fans. Long gone were the days of knee-high socks and fake gold chains, but the grown-up Jimin still felt lost sometimes when he thought about his identity. Pick your filter. He related deeply to both his last solo songs, but while he knew that this was a weapon he could put to use on his good days, he was also aware that it came back to bite him in the ass when he felt down. On days like today, the people pleaser wanted to correspond to the person Army wanted him to be. He really couldn't help the distress he felt upon reading the death threats that were aimed at him. He was too clingy, too feminine, not skinny enough, not talented enough... the list went on. The fans seem to think that Jungkook preferred Taehyung to Jimin on every point, and he hated himself when he realised that he was starting to agree with them. I was doing better. I was-