Only you can save me (A Paul Walker fanfiction)

Chapter Eight: Hold on to me, never let me go

I was cranky and out of sorts the next day, my face set in a frown that seemed to chase everyone away. The contrast between the heaven and the hell I had been in over the course of the past 24 hours was a little too much for my mind to deal with and I ended up lashing out at random because I didn't know how to place the confusion. I briefly considered asking Jessica to fill in, faking a stomach ache. I knew she would come, but on the other hand I didn't know where my visitor was and the last thing I wanted was give him another opportunity to come to me. 

The scenes that day were random pieces of scenes and as a result some of them weren't as easy to shoot. Losing so much continuity also made us lose thread of things and we ended up showing the wrong emotions, not helped by my state of mind of course. Paul knew something was the matter but I couldn't come up with a plausible lie to field him off. The truth was no option for me of course, me not being "me" made that a no go area. Still, we had a day of bickering and snarling until our scowls at least matched one anothers.  The producers and directors kept pushing us to be happy lovey dovey which was met with more scowls and frustration.

As we waited while things were being set up for the next bit, Paul kept pushing me to talk to him. He was no fool, he sensed things weren't ok beyond normal "movie frustrations", but accepting that "I can't tell you" was a good answer, was not in his dictionary. 

"Come on just say what's on your mind."

It was a stupid phrase, almost a standard line but it flicked a nerve. As we stood outside the building in the sunshine I went off at him. I don't remember what I said, mind your own business and who the hell do you think you are were definitely among it. I wasn't angry with him really, but I felt trapped and hopeless, and here was golden boy coming in, as I saw it, to mock me. Eventually, tears started falling, tears that I tried to hide by walking away. I was barely holding it together, so I would regroup, come back and be the  professional I was supposed to be. 

As I walked away from him I heard his footsteps and I sped up but of course had no hope of outrunning him. He caught me and took my face in his hands. I think the sight of my tears startled him because his expression changed immediately. 

"What's wrong?"

Everything, everything in my life feels wrong, but you ... But of course I didn't say that. I didn't say anything but just put my face in my hands and let a few sobs escape. For a moment he didn't move, then I felt his arms slide around me, pulling me close to his chest while he kissed my hair. That was my undoing and I just leaned into him while my tears soaked his shirt. 

After a while I stopped crying, and mercifully he didn't resume asking me what was wrong. I got a drink, pulled myself together and touched up my make up. Lunch break was coming up so my face had time to lose the redness and the blotches. I got a few inquisitive looks but no one really bothered me. Paul brought me a sandless sandwich (he knew by now that I didn't like eating the sandy ones) and just hovered near me while we both ate. 

When we had to shoot the next scene, it was one of the few that we managed in one take. The scene called for my character Sam to find Jared in a hospital after Ashleys character Amanda was attacked and killed by a tiger shark. Sam hadn't been with them because we'd had a falling out earlier and had broken up with him. I now had to patch things up because the incident had scared me. Being scared to lose Jared/Paul was all too easy to imagine so I ran straight to him, he opened his arms and I ran into one of Pauls typical hugs. It felt amazing and I wished we could stay like that forever. 

"I'm sorry."

It was his line of dialogue, but I knew from the way he said it that he meant it, he was sorry for pushing earlier. It was one of the first genuine apologies I ever got in my life. I held him as close as I could, realising that he deserved the truth, knowing I would have to tell him. I said my line to him, and then added the truth he needed to hear in a whisper:

I love you ...