ADORE ↠ b. barnes [III]

thirty five

       MANY PEOPLE FEAR DEATH. THEY DISLIKE idea of the unknown— not knowing where they might end up, if they even end up somewhere, or if they wake up once more; yet somewhere else.

       It's a very interesting topic, and it has so many different points of views, theories and ideas that Allura could only dream of reading them all.

       Her religion taught her that good people reunited with their families, friends, loved ones and their god Allt. While bad people meet an eternal suffering with Allt's brother, Ekkert.

       However, Allura wouldn't be Allura if she didn't question everything around her, and searched for knowledge even under the tiniest rock, or in the thickest book.

       Therefore, she knew plenty of theories regarding death and what happened after it.

       Allura did not fear death and she did not know for sure what happened after death; but she did know what happened to people who suffered through somebody else's death:

        It was an excruciating pain, waves and storms of regret. It was like a book filled with moments, empty and meaningful words, interesting stories, and ironic situations that spun like tornadoes inside of people's minds, as emotions numbed the entire body.

       It was that feeling of loss, where people knew a loved one wasn't with them but they didn't know where they were; or they did, based on their own hopes and beliefs.

       Nevertheless, that person wasn't with them anymore. They couldn't look into their eyes, or hear their voice, tell them stories or learn their stories. All they could do was create their what if's and invent their reactions— which was what little Morgan would have to do for the rest of her life.

       Imagine how her father would've reacted to her going to high school, to college, finding a loved one—or not, to parties, and believing what other people told her that he would've said. She would grow up without his wise and ridiculous words, without his intelligence and without his soft words and loving expression.

       She would grow up without her father.

       And that was all that Allura could think of as she stared into the mirror.

       She had received an invitation to go to his and Pietro's funeral, and all that she could think about was how she had broken that deal they had made; sure, they got back what they lost, what he built was still there, but he wasn't there to see it. He just wasn't there at all.

       Allura was wearing a black dress; it had a v neck and strapped sleeves on the top of her shoulders. It was slightly tight on the top of her body but then became loose as it reached her knees. Her hair was arranged the side, but at the same time gelled back so it wouldn't be on her face. She wore black ankle boots; since she really hadn't made time to buy heels or anything too fancy; like Nadenka had always tried to convince her to.

        Before she could apply lip gloss, she heard the door to their small rented apartment open, and James and Nadenka walked in. They were both wearing sport clothes, and were sweaty with lost looks in their eyes.

        Ever since James had found out that she wasn't dead, the two had tried to make up for the lost time. But five years were too many, and the other two that had been eighteen for Nadenka were just added to the list.

        So, the two had made it a habit to run a few miles every morning, and eventually stop at a small store to get water bottles and talk on the way back.

        But, after everything that had happened, and the important people that they lost, there didn't seem to be a lot to discuss.

       Nadenka smiled at her mom, going over to her room to get ready for the funeral. James looked at his daughter and sighed, before turning to Allura and observing her softly.