a oneshot book of Nat x Wanda fluff and angst book I will NOT write smut
includes
mother!daughter relationship
this is a fluff and angst book I will NOT write smut I read it instead 😉
tw ⚠️at top of chapters for what it will contain
my terrible...
Tw⚠️:deppression, suicidal thoughts, self harm ‼️=Semi graphic/triggering descriptions will be between these marking places to skip if the certain topics could trigger you Proceed with caution!!
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****************** Nats pov.
I was slipping again, the numbness taking over my brain telling me to give up that I was useless and I was exhausted all the time. I wanted to give up but I had no reason to be feeling this way, No right to! I have an amazing family, friends and a beautiful girlfriend I even got my sister back!! Yet it sat there like bricks on my chest. I had no motivation and I isolated myself hurting everyone who in some twisted way cared for me. It didn't matter how much reassuring my girlfriend or family or friends did some twisted feeling in me made me not believe them made me feel like nobody cared about me. So I used my old coping mechanism - çūttïñ9, which I felt terrible about as I promised my sister she wouldn't have to worry about the angry red lines making an appearance again.
It started a few weeks ago when my brain began to overthink constantly and I would zone out lost in my head during meetings or movie nights at the compound.
Then the dark thoughts came back.. attacking my head like bees swarming a hive. The thoughts of me not being good enough. The thoughts to use that b/@D£ sitting in mine and Wanda bathroom. The thoughts of ending it - to rid myself of the pain.
Then the numbness. Feeling not happy but not quite sad- just nothingness endless numbness. Happiness a thing of the past.
When the numbness became to much‼️ I took the b/@D£ and çùt splitting the skin on my wrists and the red substance dripping out as fast as a river.‼️hoping to feel something if physical pain was the answer then it was worth it. But after the satisfaction of watching the b/o0d drip down my wrists the guilt set in the promise I made to Yelena but I needed it. I needed the pain to overcome the numbness to make it to the next day.
Soon the days felt to exhausting. My body feeling stuck to my bed not wanting, not willing to move. My bones turning the weight of boulders to heavy to pull up and get out of my mental hell.
I stopped eating as much not feeling able to get up and get food only snacking throughout the day never having proper meals not having the energy to. Causing my cheeks to go sunken in and having no colour as my once bold and bright hair faded and became thin.
I stopped training as every time I tried to stand up the dizziness over took my brain so I lay in bed with my wonderful girlfriend next to me cuddling me holding me tighter than usual yet I still felt empty.
I knew it was happening again but I couldn't stop it.. I didn't know how.
The light inside of me dulling with each passing day.
