The Roommate | ✔️

Twenty Six: See you later

*Next Day*

Kian had classes so I sat under the tree, leaning against the trunk of it as I zoned out.

I heard someone clear their throat, startling me. I turned to see Levi who laughed at my reaction.

He squinted his eyes at me, analysing my face. "You seem uneasy. There are people you can talk to like I don't know, me" he stated, nodding his head.

I chuckled, seeing how adamant he was. "Okay Baymax, I am satisfied with my care" I remarked.

He scrunched his nose, not impressed with my response. "You and those Disney movies" he shook his head.

I sighed, crossing my arms as I looked up at the clouds. "You're either upset about the Jaxson thing or doubting what you have with Kian" he spoke up.

I furrowed my brows. Why would I doubt Kian and I? He's perfect.

"My mum's a therapist, she taught me a lot, but I mean, tell me if I' wrong. I'm kinda rusty" he added, half shrugging.

I fiddled with my hands, not knowing how to respond so I simply shook my head.

"Okay wait why do you think that? I blurted, mentally face palming myself. He's wrong.

He paused. "You went through something traumatic, the sudden loss of your grandpa. you were overwhelmed, that one day where the paparazzi hurt you then Jaxson... and the call from the hospital. You had to grieve, the loss of him, of what you had with Jax. You felt lost" he began explaining.

I stayed silent, listening to him. I wanted to ignore it but a part of me couldn't stop.

"Kian was there for you, a lot. He became your comfort person so maybe when you were... grieving, he is who you needed. For comfort. Could it have been confused with love, lust... like? I don't know but, what you and Jax had was pure chemistry"

I finally turned to meet his eyes, breathing out. "Kian and I?" I managed to ask through the lump in my throat.

He looked away, leaning back against the tree. "not the same" he spoke quietly.

He's wrong, what Kian and I have is pure, is better than with Jaxson. Kian was always there, he's sweet, makes me laugh and comfortable. Levi's wrong. 

---

After speaking to Levi, I've been lost in my own mind. Trying to ignore it all. I failed, miserably.

Do I even know what I want? If I can commit to him without ruining what we have?

I was sitting on the rooftop of the Kensington building, overlooking the campus. I can't do this.

I heard the door open, footsteps rustling toward me. His hand held onto the ledge, beside mine. The spark. It was there.

I couldn't look at him, not yet anyway. "Is everything okay?" he asked softly.

I pressed my lips together, nodding slowly. He hummed, tugging on the hem of his sleeves.

"You don't have to lie to me" he said, nudging me lightly. My heart began racing, almost thumping out of my chest.

I exhaled the breath I didn't realise I was holding. "It's just something Levi told me earlier. I can't stop thinking about it" I finally spoke up.

A noise strangled in his throat, "He psyched you out huh" he whispered.

I almost chuckled before he turned around, leaning against the ledge, facing me.

I glanced at him, he smiled, letting me know that he was listening.

I nodded, sighing with frustration. "It sucks because I think he was right" I admitted, shaking my head hesitantly.

He tilted his head, waiting for me to explain myself.

"He was saying that I went through a lot of trauma, the paps incident, Bree thing and my grandpa. That maybe I made certain decisions due to confusion of what I wanted. I mean there's no doubt that I didn't deserve the whole Bree, party thing but fuck, maybe he's right"

He took a deep breath, processing the information. He looked confused. Our eyes met, lingering before I broke contact.

"Do you want my opinion or comfort?" he asked sincerely, giving me a comforting smile.

I half shrugged; I don't know what I want.

"Both it is" he chuckled lowly. "I think that maybe in some way he's right but ultimately, you are the only one who has control over it. Don't let anyone make decisions for you. You went through a lot and I can't begin to understand how you've held yourself together so well but I'm so proud"

I chewed on my bottom lip, fighting back the tears. I put my hand on his forearm, squeezing it gently.

"Thank you, Jaxson" 

He nodded, patting me on the back before leaving me alone to think, to try to have a moment of clarity. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Kian: All done, where are you?

I took a deep breath, feeling nervous and shaky. This was happening. I texted him my location.

After a few minutes, the door opened. He walked over, standing beside me as his hand reached for my waist.

"Is everything okay love?" he asked, trying to meet my eyes.

I shut them, if I don't see, it won't hurt. That's a lie. It already hurts.

He sighed so I opened my eyes, he was facing the ledge, staring at the view.

"There's just a lot I've been going through and I'm scared Kian. I'm scared that I'd ruin what we have, that I'll spiral and do thing I don't mean. With all the trauma and what's going on with Adrian, I'm not in the right headspace" I spoke up, fighting the tears.

He glanced at me over his shoulder, I couldn't read his face.

"I'm hurting and I want to be the best version of myself for you. If this – us is meant to be then we will. Once I work through it, if you are still willing. We can be" I struggled to speak, a lump forming in my throat.

He turned to face me, chewing on his bottom lip as tears formed in both our eyes. It killed me to see him like this.

He smiled lightly, caressing my face. "oh darling, I'd wait a lifetime for you. I can wait, even if there were an apocalypse and we were across the world from each other. I'd find my way to you"

I shut my eyes, letting the tears fall. He pulled me into his arms, placing a kiss on my forehead. Lingering.

"I guess this is see you later" he whispered against my hair, rubbing my back.

I pulled away, his hands instantly cupping my jaw, wiping away the tears. "see you later" I whispered before placing a kiss on his cheek.

"promise me one thing?" he said, holding my hand. I looked up at him, nodding.

He took a deep breath, "If you find someone else; the one. You'll let yourself fall. You'll let them wipe away your tears, kiss your soft skin, those lips. You'll be happy" he choked out, tears falling.

I shook my head, I won't. I can't.

"and you'll do the same?" I asked, piercing myself in the heart, twisting the blade.

He shut his eyes; it was painful for him too. He pressed his head against mine, our tears becoming one.

"I love you, Aspyn" he whispered before walking away.