I Choose You

Teenage Dream

"You make me

Feel like I'm livin' a teenage dream

The way you turn me on, I can't sleep

Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me, just one touch

Now, baby, I believe this is real

So take a chance and don't ever look back, don't ever look back"

- "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry

***

The wind was a thousand needles, pricking my skin with every whip of the air. My face was ice cold and numb. Any longer on the motorcycle and windburn was certain. I attempted to hide my face behind Alexander's back with the hope of sparing myself from the brutal wind. It helped but was not sufficient enough. 

Heat. I needed heat.

I moved my head so that my left cheek was pressed against Alexander's back. I nearly melted as the heat from his back warmed my cheek. There was no stopping the moan from escaping me.

Alexander's back shook as he gave a chuckle at my antics.

"Oh, hush it! I'm cold," I yelled over the sound of the wind and motor.

I flipped my face so that my other cheek could get some of his radiating warmth. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as my cheek began to thaw. I was grateful that Alexander could not see me.

Despite how cold I was, I did not completely mind the experience. The closeness to Alexander was intoxicating. Butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach. It was a dream come true. Or, a self-made nightmare. The thought caused me to shiver.

"We're almost there."

Alexander's words were meant to reassure me that the end to the ride would be soon. However, he had no clue what was actually going on in my head. I was spiraling. Even though it felt like a dream, the truth was this would ultimately turn into a nightmare of my own making. It's coming. I could see the collision course that I was speeding straight ahead on.

My schoolgirl crush had been tamed by keeping my distance and conditioning myself to believe that Alexander and I were from two different worlds - never able to mix. My boundaries and beliefs were dissolving. 

No longer was there the distance of just merely passing one another in the hall or having a class together and sitting seats away. Never interacting on a personal level. Now we were latched, torso to torso, on a motorcycle. I was wearing his jacket for Pete's sake.

Knowing we could mix, that Alexander and I could hold a conversation, no matter how irritating he got. I enjoyed being around him and he wasn't avoiding me, so that was a positive sign.

But, the closer we got . . . the more I was falling hard for him. I squeezed my eyes closed and silently cursed myself. He had warned me. I knew the consequences of falling for Alexander. It was one-sided and a pure, torturous set-up for a heartbreak. My feelings were going to ruin everything. All-cause I couldn't just ignore my growing feeling and accept Alexander as just a friend. And worst of all, I couldn't stop being around him. There was no way I was going to end this friendship.

A warm hand caressed the side of my face. "Grace?"

My eyes fluttered open. Suddenly, I realized the motorcycle was parked across from my house. Alexander was off the bike and leaning down beside me.

He quickly retracted his hand when he noticed I was back to reality.

"Where'd you go?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and then it dawned on me that he was asking about what made me space out.