I Choose You

Situation

"Wish I knew exactly what you meant
Wish it wasn't messing with my head
Right person, wrong time, I'm dying

I've been wondering what's been going on, what's our situation?
Hanging on, and on, and on to every conversation
I wanna let go, but it's so complicated
Baby, all I'm saying is, what's the situation?"

- "Situation" by Ruth B.

***

All the air nearly escaped out of my lungs. It felt like a cold bucket of water had been poured over me. "I'm sorry. What?" I tried to not choke on my words from the shock. I didn't know if I actually needed to hear what she said again, or if I was just surprised to no end.

"I - I've been wanting to tell you," Maggy barely was able to say as tears began to run down her face. "For a long time."

"Why didn't you?"

Maggy shrugged, "Why tell you something that's not serious?"

"Not serious? How can it not be serious? You have been sleeping with him for a while. That sounds serious."

"You know William. He doesn't commit," Maggy tried to say in a nonchalant tone of voice.

Anger began to boil within me. I knew William didn't do commitment. Maggy was a completely different story. She was not made for a fling because she always got too attached - putting her heart and soul - to things. 

"But, do you like him?" I asked the raw question, knowing it would spark but needed to be said.

The stream of tears leaking from the inner corner of Maggy's eyes started to flow faster, rolling off Maggy's cheeks and soaking the collar of her shirt.

I unbuckled my seatbelt before engulfing Maggy in a tight hug. "Oh, Maggy. I'm so sorry. He's a fool. I can beat him up if you want," I said, hoping to humor her by throwing her words back at her.

We released ourselves from the hug. Maggy gave a small chuckle before sniffing and wiping her tears away. "No, it's fine. He told me that we would remain friends from the beginning - nothing more. I knew what I was getting into."

I couldn't help but relate in some way to Maggy's position. While Alexander and I were not sleeping together, he still stressed that we were only friends. I knew this, on top of being aware of my feelings for him. I had full knowledge that it was toxic for me to continue to pretend it was just platonic for me. But, I couldn't tell him anything for fear he would walk out of my life as quickly as he came.

"Well, aren't we a mess?" I joked. 

"Ugh, high school. Are we not done yet?" 

I laughed. "No, we still got several more months." I nearly closed my eyes to relish in bliss. I had forgotten how close I was to traveling to Panarea and some other parts of Italy for the summer. Which reminded me that I needed to finish up some of my last travel to-dos.

"Wanna come in? I'm even sure my parents would let you stay the night, if you wanted." I knew that if Maggy agreed we could make the night a great distraction - for the both of us.

Maggy shook her head. "No, I've to have the car back soon. Plus, it's a school night." 

"You're right," I said and then complained about having to go to school the next day. Part of me wanted to just be reclusive and stay home. The weekend could not come soon enough. 

"Oh, and if my mom ever asks you how your back is, just say it's better."

"My back?"

"Yeah, I told her you threw out your back at work and that your dad was tied up and couldn't get you."