Life's Like A Piano

The Struggle Is Real

"Everything alright?" David asks me when I lay down with my back to him, pulling me close

"I'm better now, yes!" I answer as convincingly as I can. As a reply, he leaves a kiss on my shoulder and rubs my belly a little, until he falls asleep. Unfortunately, I can't sleep, because of the cocaine and my guilt. David knocking the door at the exact moment I was about to finish masturbating, looking at Liam, seemed like a sign from the universe!

~~~

The next day, I arrange to have lunch with Becky

"I can't believe u cheated on David..." she says after I tell her about the day I had sex with Liam

"Me neither! And it's not like I have complaints about David! He's sweet, he really loves me, he satisfies me sexually! I really don't know what's happening!"

"Well, something must be wrong in your relationship with David! If u were happy, u wouldn't even think about cheating on him! Is there something u're not telling me?" she asks looking at me carefully. The first thing that comes in mind is my cocaine addiction, but since it doesn't really affect my everyday life, I push it off my mind

"Well, maybe I'm tired of being a housewife...Sure, he isn't forbidding me from finding a job, and I write my papers easily, since I don't have much to do, but I know that if I find a job, especially if it's not prestigious like his, we're gonna have problems!"

"Like?"

"Like, he will try not to say anything directly, but he will start throwing hints in order to manifest his frustration and we'll end up fighting because he'll eventually say all the things he thinks! And u know me, I want people to be straightforward with me and not throw hints or be ironic, let alone my own husband!"

"Well, that's not a reason not to pursue a career! Sure, it will make him feel weird after all these years, but I'm sure he'll learn to live with it!"

"I don't know...I mean, when we started dating, his main complaint about his ex-wife was that she was working late too and that they would almost never have time to spend with each other. I don't want him to have the same complaint about me!"

"Oh come on, we both know they had more serious problems with each other! U and David are way better than he and Christina ever were! Even if u start working and have to be there till late, it wouldn't break u up!"

"Yeah, it won't break us up...I will break up us instead, because I'll be sleeping with Liam!"

"Are u planning on doing it again?"

"I'm not planning anything! I didn't plan it then and I didn't plan what happened last night either!"

"Oh God, what happened last night?" she asks with sad eyes and after I take a deep breath I tell her

"Oh my God! What the hell, Livia? What the hell were u thinking?" she asks kinda yelling

"Shh!!! Don't shout!" I say looking around

"I can't fucking believe u! What if David had heard u?" she continues in a lower voice

"Well, he didn't!"

"Thank fucking God!" she exclaims and then falls silent

"U want to know how it was, don't u?" I ask smirking after a few seconds

"Hell yeah, I do! But I didn't want to sound insensitive or something...And also I wanted to make sure u knew how awful what u did was! Now tell me everything!" she says and I tell her both about the sex and the video call

"God, I had no doubt he was great!"

"U seriously never hit that?"

"No...we were friends! I mean, sure, I thought about it, but he's such a nice guy, that I liked him more as a friend than as a lover I might break up with or make things awkward!"

"Well, I don't think I could ever be friends with someone I'm sexually attracted to! I mean, all this tension, the constant anxiety that someone might realize it and start pointing it out..." I say and see her thinking about it

"Then I guess I was never sexually attracted to him! Sure, he's gorgeous and all, but even if he came and asked me to have sex with him I'd be like, meh!"

"I don't know what's wrong with u, but I wish I was that immune too!"

"Bitch please, u enjoyed every second of it!"

"I did, yes, and then I felt so guilty, that after 8 years with David I finally agreed on us trying anal!"

"Well, u had sex with Liam and David got what he wants since the day he first saw u, so, it sounds like a win-win situation to me!" she says and I flip her off

"Was it good at least? Was it worth it?"

"I was high as a kite, I didn't even remember it happening!" I say before taking a bite from my food and then I realize what I said

"U were what?" she asks shocked 

"Oh come on! Like u've never gotten high!" I say, trying to save it by pretending I meant pot

"I have, but not in order to zone out so I don't understand shit!"

"I have an explanation for that: My first thought was to get high so to be more relaxed, but then I thought that if it's indeed enjoyable, I don't want to know, because I don't deserve to enjoy it after what I did!"

"Oh, honey...U're struggling that much, huh?" she asks concerned, putting her hand on mine, finally understanding how hard it is for me

"I do! I can't even look David in the eye! And I'm afraid that it's not because I actually regret what I did, but because it's wrong in general!"

"At least u know it's wrong..."

"Yeah, I'm sure David will forgive me because at least I know it's wrong!" I say ironically, making her sigh

"I so don't want to tell u this, but maybe u should really talk with Liam!"

"I tried! I tried to tell him that it won't happen again after we were done and then he FaceTimed me, wearing only his boxers and then showed me his hard dick! Do u see where the problem is?"

"I do, actually! Instead of ending the call, u took your clothes off and gave him what he wanted!"