Can't Unlove Her

Chapter 33

It's the second day now since Deanna ignored me.

I haven't slept well for two days because I'm not used to sleeping alone eversince Deanna came into my life. My body was no longer used to not having Deanna by my side before and after sleeping.

We would always cuddle. She would always squeeze herself into me, hug me too tightly and smeared my face with a lot of kisses.

For now, I just put up with the pillow she uses while I tried to make myself feel better when in fact I'm really not.

I miss her scent, her warm, her hugs and kisses, her I love you's and everything about her that could make me smile without her even trying her best.

This making me crazy for real.

She's just in the room next to mine but I almost went crazy for missing her so much.

She didn't talk to me all day yesterday.
I wanted to talk to her but she always makes excuses so that she won't stay that long when I was facing her. If she wasn't in her bedroom, probably she was in the living room and would play with Mafe. I tried to join them but even when I joined she still didn't talk to me or even spare me a glance.

Hindi sa wala akong ginagawa para magkaayos kami pero yung totoo kasi hindi ko alam kung paano. Nag-aaway din naman kami even before, usually lagi naman pero hindi natatapos ang isang araw na hindi kami nagkakaayos.

Hindi mahirap suyuin si Deanna. Yakap at lambing, solve na. She would smile again and we would be okay. But now, it's different. Nararamdaman ko ang paglayo niya sakin. Hindi pa nga ako nakakalapit sa kaniya, umaalis na agad siya.

I think I'm being complacent. Naging kampante ako na kahit anong mangyari hindi niya ko matitiis but what I realized now, I was selfish.

She's part of our relationship but I only gave her the boundaries. She didn't do anything wrong but I made her feel guilty.

I'm so insensitive.

Kakasabi lang niya noong nakaraan na naiinggit siya sa bestfriend ko pero ako pa mismo ang nagbigay ng dahilan para mas lalo siyang mainggit sa kaniya.

"Hindi mo ba talaga ako kakausapin?" bungad ko kay Deanna pagkababa ko pa lamang.

She's in the living room, watching some stuffs. Mukhang hindi rin maayos ang tulog niya dahil panay ang hikab niya.

Kanina ko pa rin napapansin ang pagmasahe niya sa ulo niya na parang may iniindang kung ano.

"Dalawang araw na, Deanna. Nababaliw na ko kakaisip kung anong gagawin ko para pansinin mo na ko." She remained quiet while her eyes are on the screen.

Tumabi ako sa kaniya pero parang nadurog ang puso ko ng umurong siya palayo sakin.

"Are you for real doing this to me?" I'm getting impatient.

Paano ko ba 'to maayos kung ayaw naman niya akong kausapin?

"Ayaw mo na sakin?" dagdag ko pa.

Umiyak na lang kaya ako dito since kahapon pa naman ako naiiyak dahil sa silent treatment na binibigay niya sakin.

"Nakakainis ka na, alam mo ba 'yon?" Tusukin ko kaya mga mata niya. Nagsasalita ako dito tapos hindi man lang niya ako pinapansin.

"Kahapon pa kita gustong kausapin pero panay naman ang iwas mo sakin. Ilang sorry pa ba ang gusto mo? Ilang paliwanag pa? Gusto mo ba itapon ko pa ang mga necklaces na 'yon para maging okay tayo?" She stood up and about to walk away from me when I blocked her way.

"Not this time, Deanna. Sa ayaw mo man o gusto, mag-uusap tayo. Pagod na kong makipaghabulan sayo. Sabihin mo naman kung anong tumatakbo sa isip mo para hindi ako mukhang ewan na hinuhulaan kung magiging okay pa ba tayo o hindi." She's staring at me. Parang hinihintay niya lang akong matapos sa sasabihin ko.