Station 19 Marina

Chapter 31: back

Maya's POV:

I feel numb. Carina just left and I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my chest. I don't know what I can do. As I was beginning to have a panic attack Andy came in. I'm still in my towel but I can't bring myself to move. She sits by me.
"What happened?" She asked.
"Carina. She left me."
"Oh Maya. Why?"
"My job is too scary? She can't handle the anxiety that comes with me running into burning buildings."

She held my hand and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Im so sorry. There's nothing you can do?"
"I could quit my job. Or get promoted."
"Chief McAllister isn't leaving for a while, are you going to leave?"
"I don't know, I worked so hard for this. I don't want to give up this part of me. But I don't want to live without carina. I could do something else."
"Maya."

"I know. But how can I lose her? She gets to be upset about this. I can only fix it by leaving."
"What would you do?"
"I don't know. I went to the academy at 18, I've never done anything else."
"Maybe go talk to her before making a rash decision."
"She asked for space. I can't."
"Screw space. If you're really willing to quit go tel her."

"You're right."

I changed and quickly got ready. As I pulled open the door to mg office there was Carina about to knock.
"Maya."

"I'm going to quit."
"What?"
"I'm going to quit. I can't lose you. You have every right to be angry, but I can't lose you. So I'm going to go to the chief and quit. Tonight."
"No Maya you can't."

"Why not?"
"You can't quit because of me."

I began to panic and felt like I couldn't stop the break up after all.
"No, I can and will. I won't lose you. Are you breaking up with me anyways?"
"Maya breathe. In and out. You're going to have a panic attack."

I breathed with her.
"You can't quit because I'm wrong."
"What? You aren't wrong."
"Yes I am. If roles were reversed I would do the same thing. Love my job and do everything you do. I let my emotions get in the way."
"You have every right to feel that way."
"I do, but I can't lose you. Losing you means I don't get to experience life at all with you. I was so worried about losing you to a fire that I was losing you to my own worries."
"I'm sorry."
"No I'm sorry."

I pulled her into kiss me and she pushed me back to my desk. She pushed my up onto it and stepped between my legs.
"I don't want to lose you. I'm going to go to the partners support group and see a counselor. I need you Bambina." She had a tear escape her eyes.

"You have me. Always and forever."

She kissed me again this time with passion and love that I could feel intensely. I pulled her into me causing pressure to be in my center. A moan escaped my lips and she grinned at this. She walked away.

"Where are you going?
She locked the door and walked back over to me quickly. She connected our lips once again and pushed her tongue into my mouth.

She unbottoned my pants and wasted no time in pushing her hand down my underwear the running her fingers through my folds.
"Oh my god. Baby please."
"I know it's been a while but we can't be loud." She held her hand over my mouth as her other pushed inside me. I couldn't help the moan that came out that she had to cover.

I was torn because I don't feel like we talked enough but I need to feel close to her. I decided to let her take control and we would talk more later.

She began pushing in and out quickly and I lost all comprehension of thought.

"Fuck baby. Yes!" I said as quietly as I could.

There was a knock at the door and this was deja vu.
"Ignore it." I said pulling her back into me.

She had me right on the edge and my phone rang.
"You should answer it's probably whoever was at your door."