Forbidden Fantasies (Darkest Desire Book 2)

22. Uncertainty

Mauw. Hey there fellow Potterheads! It's been a while, I know, and for that I apologize. I've started an Alan Rickman story on the side, after an interesting talk with @GalaxyCat101, and it's more of a romantic comedy than anything else. Feel free to read it, and I'd appreciate it if you guys kept up the comments and votes I've been getting on this story. It's truly amazing.

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That morning I woke up in an empty bed.

Pathetic, right?

What was even more sad was the fact how much it hurt to realize that Severus had just left me again. Alone. After I'd given him my body, to go along with my heart. Not that he knew I cared that deeply about him, but still. I'd expected a bit more of him than his sudden disappearance in the early morning. What did he think happened? Just some tryst that....what? Satisfied his desire for me? Was it mere lust? Had I really read more into it than it actually meant?

Shaking my head I couldn't help the hot tears of shame and embarrassment that sprung to my eyes. Turning around the crumpled sheets that still bore testimony to our late-night activities, and I snuggled into the pillow that still carried his scent.

Sad? Definitely.

Pathetic? Most likely. 

Did I care? No.

After all, I had to pull myself together one way or another. Allowing myself this one moment to wallow in self-pity was my first option. I had known this could happen. I'd hoped differently, but apparently it wasn't meant to be. I'd said so myself, hadn't I? Better to have one night than the eternal thoughts of 'what-if's' and 'could have been's' haunting my every thought.

Maybe.....maybe I should tell him he was my soulmate. Maybe he would reconsider if he knew that fate had meant for us to be together. Maybe I should just tell him I was a Tokrah and show him the real color of my eyes. Maybe then he'd believe me.

I shook my head, face still buried in the soft pillow that smelled of herbs and spices, and an underlying tone of musk, something decisively male.  The smell brought with it the image of a pair of onyx eyes, looking at me with a dark and intense look, and it was as if I could feel his hands caressing my body all over again, his kisses making me dizzy.

Boy I had it bad.

That thought shook me from my ridiculous notion that was borderline fantastical. No way I would tell Severus about my Tokrah blood. No way I'd tell him about the whole soulmate-thing. I refused to me mislead into forcing him into something. Na-ah. I wouldn't manipulate him like that. Despite the fact that I craved him, needed him in a manner that was borderline addictive, I wouldn't force myself on him. Last night only served to prove that he didn't care as deeply as I thought he did. Maybe this was his definition of a one-night stand. If that was the case, I would just have to make sure that he didn't see though me and see how much it had meant to me.

It took me a little longer than I thought it would to pull myself together. That was what happened to you once you got involved with someone like Severus. In my 212 years of existence I'd seen his type: callous, cynical, emotionally detached.... it all came down to the fact that they couldn't commit to someone in a serious relationship. I could understand anger, resentment, spite.....what I didn't understand was this subconscious need to push away everyone else and hurt those around him that seemed predominantly present in Severus's personality. Well, that wasn't exactly true. I understood it all-right, I just didn't want to believe in it. The fact of the matter was that despite everything, I'd let myself get emotionally invested in this domineering, harsh and obstinate man. And it hurt.