Forbidden Fantasies (Darkest Desire Book 2)

Epilogue-Severus Snape

Apparating at the edge of the Hogwarts castle grounds, Severus Snape found the night filled with all the expected noises. Wind rustling through the trees, crickets and other insects happily buzzing away, the sound of the water of the lake lapping against the pebbled shore.... However, the usual cacophony of noises was now overwhelmingly loud.

So much had transpired in the last 48 hours. Of course he'd had to keep Potter out of trouble with Umbridge, because the insolent child was obviously on some sort of foolhardy quest to prove something about his damn godfather. Why it bothered him so much to see Potter standing up for bloody Sirius Black was beyond him, even if it was just because he felt that the boys affections for his godfather were completely wasted on the scoundrel that had spent over a decade in prison. Perhaps his deep-seated hatred for the group of teenagers that had tormented him so in his childhood had something to do with that. But he'd learned to keep an iron grip on his emotions a long time ago. And then again, it wasn't like the pranks and fights he'd gotten into with the so called Marauders had been completely one-sided.....

Shaking his head he forced his train of thoughts in a different direction. Where was all this reminiscing coming from? It was very much unlike him to get so caught up in past emotions and memories he'd vowed to never look back upon. Perhaps Black getting himself killed so foolishly at the Ministry was the cause of this uncomfortable resurfacing of past memories. He'd like to tell himself that the death of Sirius Black left him completely unaffected, but the truth was that Severus found himself severely perturbed by the thought of the events that went down at the Ministry of Magic. How had things gotten so out of control? How had Potter managed to not only put himself, but other students as well in such danger?

Muttering the incantations that would allow him past the wards protecting the castle grounds, Severus walked briskly in the direction of the castle, his mind still reeling with the information Albus had provided him with about the occurrences of the evening. The Dark Lord had overplayed his hand, and for that he had paid the price. The prophecy was gone, its only remnants being in the memory of the select few that were still alive who had actually heard it. Not only that, the Ministry now knew about his Dark Lords return. They'd caught several Death Eaters, and were now on high alert when it came to matters regarding He Who Must Not Be Named. Albus had spent most of the night trying to placate the Minister and his minions, trying to mend fences and reassure them that the fact that a huge battle between Death Eaters and his precious Order members had been a small price to pay from the wealth of information and awareness they now possessed.

The Headmaster had seemed so tired, but he was then called away when a Patronus in the shape of a dragon appeared in his office. Severus immediately recognized the voice demanding the headmasters precence: Aurora.

Aurora.

Why did everything lead back to her? Why was it that, whenever he thought he'd managed to get rid of the thought of her, she managed to worm her way back into his head? When he heard her voice pleading for Albus to come, that she needed him, muted and distorted in the Patronus message form, he'd felt hopeless. The urge to ask Albus-no, demand from him-to take him to her, had been overwhelming. Almost to the point where he'd had to physically fight the urge to grab Albus by his robes and shake some sense into the Headmaster, who'd kindly, calmly, asked him to leave.

Severus reached the castle, and quietly made his way inside. Heading towards the dungeon, to his private Chambers, his thoughts wandered to the defiant young witch who'd made his life such a complicated mess over the last couple of years. The last time they'd spoken, something had been different. Aurora had been different. She seemed distraught, saddened somehow, and yet she'd comforted him when he didn't even know he needed it. He had been so angry about the legilimency fiasco with Harry, seething even, that he hadn't been thinking straight. And then Aurora walked in and with her a calm and peace he hadn't known in a long long time. Like a wave washing over him, tranquil and silent, she'd walked up to him and hugged him. Having her in his arms like that had been unexpected, especially after how they often fought and argued. And yet, her head buried in the crook of his neck, her arms wrapped around him, her soft feminine smell enveloping him, it had eased his heavy heart. Not that he'd ever admit to it. No, instead he told himself it was nice to have her there with him. Just.... Nice.

Something had been amiss, though. Aurora looked a little lost, a little scared, and Severus could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. When he asked her about it, he'd seen the indecision in her eyes, the apprehension. But what could possibly have upset her so? After all the fights and arguments, after everything they'd been through, Severus didn't think there was much left that they couldn't say-or do-to eachother. And yet, he saw how Aurora shook her head, how she turned away from him. Perhaps he should have been upset, but then again, there were still things he hadn't told her either.

Severus had reached his Chambers, and muttering the password he walked through the doorway, immediately noticing the cream envelope on the table next to the fireplace. His name was scrawled in neat handwriting on the front-a handwriting he recognized.

A couple of well measured paces brought him next to the table, and he had the envelope in his hand in very little time, turning the envelope around, his eyes narrowing as he tore the paper.

Why would Aurora write him a letter? What was it that she couldn't tell him in person? He'd thought she'd still be around the castle, but the timing and the tone of the message she sent her godfather with her patrons had made him doubt that. This only further confirmed that suspicion. But what was it then? Why write a letter?

Cautiously unfolding the piece of perchament, Severus felt his hands grow heavier with every word he read, his mind spinning with lang a thought as he closed his eyes momentarily. Anger, disbelief and annoyance all fought for a place in his head and heart, but Severus couldn't make heads or tails from the letter he held in his hands.

~Severus,

I am sorry it has to come to this. I suppose I always knew it would be like this, one way or the other. With the two of us working for the Order, I guess we will still see one another on occasion. I cannot, however, promise that things will be the same between us.

I say 'us', even though I'm not even sure there ever was an 'us'. Talking to you in person seems to always lead to fights and things being said that just hurt one another, which is why I'm writing this letter. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I've been offered a more permanent position in the High council of a alchemists. I intend to take that position, and hopefully further the Order's agenda at Albus' will.

Furthermore, I do not intend to finish my 'final' year at Hogwarts. What's the point, when I'm over a century old and already have all the academic education I'll ever need? I'm sure you'll be glad to be rid of my disruptive influence in your classroom.

There are things I cannot tell you just as there are things you have probably not told me about as well. Such is the nature of secrets. And yet, they eat away at me. There are things within my soul, that cannot be unleashed, and I'm afraid of what would happen if certain things came to light. Know that I am taking care of them, and that someday I hope I will be able to tell you about them-and that you'll find it within yourself to forgive me for my transgressions.

We each have a role to play in the upcoming war, Severus, and I refuse to interfere with your place in all of this. I'd rather have you be angry at me, and alive, as opposed to knowing the truth and perishing because of it. Some things, when foretold, cannot be changed or altered, and can have the gravest consequences, as you are very well aware. In this, I must ask you to trust me. I hope we will have the chance to work together again, and that maybe, one day, I can tell you all about it.

Sincerely yours,
Aurora~