Just Pretending

thirtythree

Riley

I was in the music room, playing some of the music for the routines, marking out my point while I waited for James
Part of me can't wait to spend some time with him, where as another part of me is wanting to run scared. There is this feeling in the pit of my stomach that isn't improving at all. It's triggering my fight or flight mode

I had finished running through a little something I had been working on when I hear someone clapping behind me, I look up into the mirror to see Beth stood there. Of course it was Beth
"Hi" I said turning around so I was looking directly at her
"Hi" She replied looking me up and down, she took one step into the room making it apparent that whatever this conversation was going to be, I wasn't getting out of it easily
"I hear you saw James and I the other week?" Beth asked raising her brows, I sighed nodding
"What about it?" I asked
"I just wanted to speak to you about the whole thing" She said and I looked at her confused. What on earth could she want from me 

"I want to say that, I get it. I get that your hurt but you should have expected this" She said making me look at her confused
"James would always want me, no matter what damaged bimbo comes her way" She continued making me look at her completely taken back
"What are you getting at here Beth?" I asked before hearing James' voice coming up the corridor
"I'm saying that no matter how hard you try, you won't ever be with James long term. He'll always be mine" she continued before seconds later James was at the door 

The second he noticed both Beth and I he froze widening his eyes the longer he looked
"What is this?" James asked but I shook my head heading out the door grabbing my dance bag on my way out
I refuse to cry in front of anyone. Especially Beth..

"Woah woah woah Riley! Wait up!" I hear James yell running after me, as soon as I'm out in the carpark. He caught up to me much to my dismay
"What is happening?" He asked and I shrugged
"I think Beth is looking for you" I said continuing to walk but he didn't give up
"I don't care about Beth" He said standing in front of me so I can't walk anymore
"Really? She doesn't seem to get that message" I said walking past him but once again. That didn't last long at all
Within a matter of seconds he was in front of me again
"Riley come one, we can't keep taking one step forward then three steps back" He said to my placing an arm around me to prevent me from moving, I applaud the boy for the effort

"James, I'm not playing any of her stupid head games. I'm not allowing myself to get hurt anymore" I said making James look at me with a soft look in his eyes, he was more concerned then anything right now
"I can't do this James" I said and he shook his head
"Riley please, just let me in, let me help" He begged and I shook my head
"this is my problem and this is something I need to do alone" I said finally peeling myself out of his grip
"Riley please" He begged making me stop in my tracks
"James I know you are trying, I do but I need some time" I replied
It was a complete lie but it was the only thing that I could think of that would stop me from running into his arms right now

All I wanted is for him to tell me that the whole ordeal with Beth was a mistake, that it meant nothing. That he wants me
The he choses me
Is that so much to want? I mean I guess it is if he doesn't feel the same back