"Where are you going, Devin" I questioned, calmly.
He ignored me, gathering his things. I hated when he did that.
"Talk to me. Please."
"I'm sick of this shit, Kiari. I ain't even gonna hold you."
"Of what shit, Devin? I just told you I met him today. He's literally my peer reviewer."
"Why you couldn't get a female? It's always something, Kiari. That's the shit. That nigga Javi, that nigga Josh, now this nigga. What the fuck you be doing?"
I sighed. "I don't want to argue with you, Devin. I'm not lying to you. If I tell you that I'm not cheating, you should trust me in that. If you don't trust me, just say that."
"Kiari, it's a new nigga every month. How the hell you want me to be okay with that" he yelled putting his stuff down. He never yelled. That's when I would know he was upset.
"Because I'm telling you the truth. If you don't trust me, then this won't work."
"Kiari, you tryna flip the script and I'm not with the bullshit right now. I came over here to spend time with you, and you got other niggas tryna do the same shit, so what you on? Tell me now, so I know if I'm wasting my time."
I paused. Wasting his time?
I had so much love for Devin. He's truly become one of my best friends.
"It's only you, Devin, and I'm getting tired of having to reassure you. Am I not allowed to have friends?"
"That Javi nigga? Not your friend. Damon and Josh? Not your fucking friends. I'm getting tired of doing this same shit every month."
"I love you, Devin. But maybe we need some time."
I watched his face soften, before turning into disappointment. "Fuck you mean, we need some time? This our first time seeing each other in almost two weeks. What more time do you fucking need?"
"Dev-"
"I sound like a bitch" he chuckled. "Alright, Kiari. Let me know when you done with your time." He grabbed his keys off of my desk once again, before walking out of the door. I felt my throat get tight.
Fuck.
As he walked out, Aubrey walked in.
"You okay?"
I just shook my head, holding in my tears. I shouldn't be the one crying. I did nothing wrong. I can't help but to feel upset, though. Thanksgiving break is soon, and he's going to back New York, so we won't have time to discuss things.
"You want a hug?"
I nodded, feeling my face get wet. Aubrey and I were the same height, so my head met her shoulder perfectly.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Did you hear" I asked. I really hoped she didn't. That would embarrass me so much.
She shook her head. "No. I saw him walking out and he looked upset, then I came in and you looked like you wanted to cry."
"I told him we need time."
Aubrey gave great advice. I never felt judged by her in any way. I told her the entire story.
"He doesn't trust me."
"I don't think it's you, Kiari. I think it's the niggas that he doesn't trust. You're a bad bitch and he knows it."
"No, Aubrey, I think it's me. I mean, he's right. If he had a new female friend each month, calling his phone and asking him on dates, I'd be upset too."
"I think you should give each other some time to cool off, then talk about it."
"I haven't seen him in almost two weeks though. How much time is enough?"
"Whenever you feel ready, babe."
Aubrey and I sat on the couch for hours. She got up to go get us food from Chick-Fil-A on campus. I stared at my message thread with Devin, tempted to text him, but I didn't know what to say.
❤️.
i love you.
jackass 🤎
I love you too Kiari
I smiled. He never told me that he loved me, but that was what I needed. I FaceTimed him, just hoping he would answer. After two rings, he did. I internally smiled. He was in the car, driving somewhere. Probably nowhere in particular. That was something he did to clear his head.
"What's wrong? I thought you needed time."
"I'm sorry, okay? I don't like when you're mad at me" I admitted. He said nothing. "Devin."
"I hear you, baby."
"You don't have anything to say?"
"What you want me to say, Kiari? You asked for time, I'm tryna give it to you. I leave for New York on Sunday, and we can talk when I get back."
"So I can't talk to you?" My heart felt heavy.
"You can always talk to me, love. What I'm saying to you is, I'm respecting your wishes."
"But I don't want to be away from you."
"Kiari" he sighed.
"You don't want to talk to me" I felt tears welling up again.
"I never said that."
"That's what you're acting like, though. Like you don't care."
"Why you putting words in my mouth? You told me you needed time or space or whatever the fuck you said, so I'm trying to give that to you. I never said I didn't wanna talk to you. I never said I didn't wanna be around you. This is what you wanted, so I want you to be happy."
"Well, I'm not" I mumbled. I could hear him still driving in silence. I sniffled, wiping the tears that fell down my face.
"Why you crying, baby?"
"Because" I said. But that was all I could say. I had no explanation in my head. Just because.
"I'll call you back when I'm at home."
I just nodded, not being okay with it. I just wanted him.
"I love you" he said, trying to assure me.
"I love you too" I mumbled and he hung up shortly after.
