Save me

Part 10: Roommates suck

Standing up from her bed again she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her right leg. Looking down she noticed the bandages and carefully sat down on the floor, moving them away from her injured legs. Examinating the wounds, tears started to form in her eyes at the sight of the bloody, finger-nail-formed stripes in her skin. Why was she like this?

Too deep in her thoughts to notice she started scratching of the blood crusts on the wounds, trying to feel the pain and relief herself a little. She deserved that pain. As her mind continued to go to a very very dark place she unknowingly even deepened the wounds, making the blood run down her ankles.

Why was Andrew even spending time with her. He deserved so much better. Better than a messed-up girl with anxiety attacks and-

'Stop' she though to herself as she opened her eyes and saw the blood on her bedsheets. "Shit!" she whispered, standing up and walking into the bathroom where she bumped into Laura. Her roommate was standing in front of the mirror putting tons of make up on her face as she heard the door open and turned around.

Looking at Meredith, Laura lifted up an eye brown. That was when Meredith noticed her appearance in the huge mirror on the wall next to the sink. Her hair messy, her cheeks red and wet, her eyes puffy, her hands and legs full of blood.

"What the fuck?" Laura asked as she starred at Meredith's blood strained legs. Meredith herself felt her breath quicken as her palms started to sweat and her whole body started to shake again. What she really didn't need right now was an anxiety attack. Since she had forgotten to take her meds yesterday morning and she took them at 10pm in the evening the effect was almost gone by now but she was only allowed to take them every 24 hours or in case of emergencies at least 20 hours. So she stood there, frozen, the silent anxiety attack literally having the control over her whole body.

"You okay?" Laura asked quietly but somehow amused, obviously ignoring what was really going on with Meredith. So instead of giving her some privacy she just stood there, looking at her, making her feel even more self-conscious and extremely vulnerable.

"What's wrong with you?" she then asked as Meredith kept starring of into space, completely zoned out as she wringed her trembling, in blood covered hands, tears streaming down her face and dripping onto the cold bathroom floor. Looking down Laura again stared at the deep scratches on both Meredith's legs and how blood was streaming from every single one of them down into her socks.

"N-n-noth-thing I'm f-fi-ne." Meredith stuttered as she tried to suppress the anxiety, but she still couldn't move. "Is this a result of self-harm?" Laura then questioned making Meredith's head jerk up.

"N-no I-I-I c-cut m-my s-self ac-accid-entally w-while sha-shav-ing m-my legs." Meredith stuttered as she forced her legs to carry her over to the cabinet where she took out the first aid kid and the box with her meds. "And what's with the stuttering weirdo?" she chuckled.

But Meredith didn't have any strength left to answer Laura's cruel comment. It hurt. But she was used to it. Ever since she could remember people have called her 'weirdo' or 'freak', so she walked back into her room where she immediately locked the door, instantly collapsing onto the floor.

Crawling over to her bed she pulled out a tiny, purple box from under the slatted frame and placed it in her lap. It was her anti-anxiety box. Well- it didn't really have a name but that probably described it the best. It contained a few things that helped her calm down every time she had an anxiety attack or just felt extremely anxious. The biggest part of its content were fidgeting toys. For example a fidget cube, a ball out of fifty tiny magnet bullets, a flippy chain which you could twist infinitely long, another ball consisting out of interlocking rings and an infinity cube. It had been Dr. Wyatt, her therapist who had helped her compile the box and who had suggested it in the first place. Actually she was supposed to carry it around whenever she would leave the house but she didn't want to lose any of her treasures. Because apart from the fidgeting toys there were also a picture of her, Michael and her mother in Disney world, the best day in her life. Furthermore, there were stones and shells she had collected on different vacations, a necklace her mother had given to her on her tenth birthday and a few more very important things that remembered her of the best moments of her entire life.