Love Is Never Ugly

Chapter 48

"Good. Good. What else?"

"That's all I have for now. I'm going to ask her on her last day but I don't know how to go about it."

"Lucky for you I know women. Well at least women who are very feminine and love romance. I'm a little lost on those independent types. You'll have to consult Vagatha and Cherri about those. Charlotte appears to be independent but also feminine so I think I know what she would want proposal wise."

"Really and what is that?"

"First of all don't do anything that will make her feel pressured. Marriage is a very important choice. A life changing one. You're agreeing to share your life with someone. She may want to think about that before she gives an answer so
don't ask her in a way that will make her feel like she has to answer right then and now."

"Okay. How do I do that?"

"Wait until you're alone with her. If you ask her in front of someone she'll feel pressure even if it's not intended. Perhaps the balcony?"

"That could work."

"Don't lace the proposal with a bribe. No flashy gifts or promises of luxuries. You're asking her to be your wife. Not buying her. I know she's not the gold digger type but I know that she would be very insulted if you made it appear to her that you think she's an expensive trinket you can buy."

"Oh I don't think that at all."

"But an over exaggeration of fancy gifts before the big question might cause you to come off as that."

"Fair enough."

"Don't make her feel forced into it. This whole thing is her choice. Hers. Nobody else can make it for her. That's not how love works. There is no force in love."

"I understand."

"And when you tell her how you feel and ask her to marry you, speak from your heart. Be sincere and honest. Don't repeat romantic phrases written in books and poetry. Those are the words of other people. She'll want to hear your words. Know what's in your heart."

"That could be a problem. Niffty I don't know what's in my heart. This is all so foreign to me. I've never done this before. Ever. How can I tell her how I feel in my own words when I don't know them?"

"When you're spending time with her this week pay close attention to what you love about her and how she makes you feel. Do that and I can guarantee that by the last day you'll know the perfect words."

"Thanks Niffty but there is one more thing that scares me a little. Something that I couldn't tell anyone else but I'm telling you because you said I shouldn't do anything to make Charlotte feel pressured or that she doesn't have a choice."

"What is it?"

"It's what will happen if she rejects me."

"What do you mean? You're not going to get angry and hurt are you? Is that what you're worried about? Your emotions and animal impulses taking over?"

"No! No that'll never happen again. Not with her. Even if she spurned me. Even if she cursed my name. Even if she hated me I could never hurt her. I love her too much to do anything that would cause her harm or distress."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Remember that night she fell through the ice and I acted so desperate? I didn't let it show but until I knew for certain that Charlotte would be alright, I felt ill. I felt my heart beat slowing down, my blood was turning cold, my breath was getting short. I almost blacked out once. All that happened because for a moment I believed that I could have lost her."

"I don't understand what you are trying to say." Niffty said. "You felt panic over what happened to her? You feared for her life? Alastor we all felt that way about her that night. It's normal. But why would that happen if she refused to marry you?"

"It wasn't just panic and fear Niffty. I can't explain it. I really can't but I have feeling that if Charlotte rejects me. If she leaves me for good. I'll die."

Niffty looked at him horrified.

"Die? Are you jesting? How could you die from just rejection?"

"Mother once told me that emotions can have a very strong effect on fairies. On their powers and on their health which made some emotions dangerous. Grief is one of the most lethal. She told me that after she lost my father her broken heart made her ill. So ill that she could barely breathe and that for moment she felt that she had no pulse."

Niffty recalled that period perfectly well. It was when they were all first transformed and began serving her. They watched Marie become paler and weaker with each passing day. The light in her eyes seemed to be fading. She moved as if she were a ghost. They all sensed she was dying but they didn't know from what or what they could do to prevent it. Then one day out of the blue she had completely recovered. Marie never disclosed to any of them the circumstances of her illness or her recovery.

"Mother said that had she not remembered that I was still alive and growing in her belly, she would have let her grief kill her." Alastor explained. "She told me that because I was half human my emotions probably wouldn't be as effective as hers were. Still she warned me never to give into sorrow like she almost did. I don't know if I can prevent that."

"Alastor don't say such things. You will not give into sorrow. You're strong just like she was."

"Her circumstances were different from mine."

"How so?"

"For one thing she had a child to consider. A child to love her in place of her lost husband."

"You have us. You will always have us. No matter what happens."

"And Mother never did anything to deserve death. Niffty, now that Charlotte has helped me understand that cannibalism is wrong I find myself feeling guilt over all the lives I've taken. Memories of their terrified faces and screams come back when I'm alone. It makes my self-loathing grow. Makes me feel that I don't deserve to live. Charlotte makes it easier for me to bear that guilt because I want to live with her. If she goes then I have nothing and no reason to live."

"Stop saying that! Right now!"

Alastor jumped back startled. This was the very first time Niffty had ever raised her voice to anyone. Not had she ever become so angry. Happy? Yes. Sad? Of course. Fearful? Naturally. Lustful? Occasionally. But angry? Never. Never before today.

"You are not going to die!" She told him sternly. "You hear me? You are not going to die! Whatever happens it will work out and we will help you! But you will not die and you will not talk about dying! If you do I will tell everyone in the castle what you've just told me including Charlotte!"

"God no! Don't tell her! She'd blame herself!"

"Exactly! So don't ever let me hear you speaking of something so awful again! I mean it!"

When she saw how stunned his expression was she calmed down and composed herself very quickly.

"Forgive me sir. I was out of line to speak to you that way." She said. "It was very disrespectful. I had no right."

Alastor said nothing.

"Please excuse me. I must wash the dishes now."

She left before he could think of what to say to her next.