ataraxis

xxxi

take me away.
blindfold me.
muffle my mouth.
cover my ears.
shut my senses.
maybe you could bind my hands
and chain my ankles, too.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able to see
my reflection on the mirror.
i wouldn't be able to hate my body
my face
and the way i look.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able
mutter my painful verdict to myself.
or whisper the disparage of how im heading nowhere.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able to hear
the faint murmurs of temptation
towards the end.
i wouldn't be able to hear
the grumbles of strangers
the screams of giving up.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able to feel.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able to write goodbyes
and scribble footnotes
of how im longing to leave
and never come back.

maybe then,
i wouldn't be able to run away
and find solitude with no one but my monsters.
i wouldn't be able to stomp
on my broken heart
or caper on the puddles of my tears.

so take me away
and save me.

save me from myself.

xxxi: “self-infliction”