Relationship With My Best Friend

Chapter 37.

"I have nothing to say to you," I spit, glaring up at the muscular man that has stolen my heart in many ways.

"Don't say that," he pleads, cupping my cheek with his hand. I so desperately want to succumb to the feeling of his hands on me, but I can't. What happened with him is not okay in the slightest.

"Caleb-" I shake my head and go to remove his hand, but he says something that completely shocks me.

"I am so sorry, okay?" He softly explains. "I am so sorry for everything. I am an asshole, I know that. I should have never lashed out on you the other day, should have never said any of what I did. I shouldn't have ever believed that you would kiss him."

"But you did," I snap, trying desperately to slow the burning fire in my body. "You did believe it. You said awful things to me-"

"I am an idiot," he argues, almost in agreement. "I have treated you so poorly. I have said things that I don't mean, things out of anger that should have never been said. I have disrespected you in more ways than I can count and, fuck, if I don't know it. You don't deserve half the shit I have put you through and I will spend the rest of everyday trying to make it up to you. "

I stay silent, shocked and completely overwhelmed with how sincere he is being; how sweet and cautious. This is the side of Caleb I wish I could have forever. I can't think straight as Caleb continues, my brain is practically mush from the alcohol I consumed, and honestly just the mere presence of him. I am shocked by the words he is saying, completely taken off guard, because I would never have guessed that this is the way our conversation was going to go. I thought he would follow me out here and scream at me again, or, I don't know, demand an explanation from the other day; but not this. This is something completely out of left field.

"I love you, Ensley Wilde." I think I gasp. Oh. "I love you so goddamned much that I don't know what the fuck to do with myself half the time. All I do is think of you. All I want to do is be with you. I am in love with you, so in love with you that the thought of not seeing you everyday makes me want to pull my hair out. I can't be without you anymore, I physically cannot. You are everything to me, baby, please. I can't lose you."

Silence. Complete and utter silence as my brain attempts to register the fact that this boy just told me he loves me.

He loves me. He is in love with me. Am I dreaming?

"Say something, Ens." He is begging me, not just with his words, but his eyes are pleading and I find it difficult to breathe now.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. My brain is lagging  from the entire shock of it all.

"There you are." I look to my left and Hardin is walking out of the house. He is eyeing Caleb and I, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I was wondering where you went."

"I was out here," I nod, still in a state of discombobulation. "With Caleb."

"I see that," he says, as if he isn't sure what else he is allowed to say. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes" escapes Caleb's lips as "no" falls from mine. He eyes me, hurt flashing across his dark iris'. I don't know what to do right now, and to be honest this is a pretty serious conversation, I want to be fully coherent when I figure out what to do. I want to be with Caleb - hell this is a dream come true - but I can't just forget how he acted the other day. It is hard to behave as if it doesn't bother me, when it does, and the last thing I want to do is pretend any longer.

We will talk, but when I am sober and when we are in private. Part of me finds him so untrustworthy that I don't know if he is just saying all this because he saw me dancing with another guy tonight, or if he really means it.

"Okay," he drags out, looking back and forth between the two of us. I look away from Caleb, not being able to watch his pained expression any longer. "You ready to go, then?"

"Yeah," I mumble, not bothering to look up as I get in the car. Hardin asks Caleb if he is coming with us, but I hear him decline and then Hardin is in the car with me, only when this happens do I take a glimpse outside. Caleb is staring at me, hands by his sides, looking defeated and I swallow. I dig my finger nails into my palm as I clench them into fists in an attempt to keep myself from crying; it works to an extent.

By the time I get home it is only about eleven o'clock and I am not tired in the slightest. Even as I change into my sweats and a hoodie, laying in my bed, all I can think about is Caleb. Why couldn't he have said all this before what happened on Wednesday? And what made him decide to say all this now, anyway?

I groan, covering my hands over my face as my mind continues to race. I should just go over there. I am never going to be able to sleep now, and honestly, I am sober enough to be able to decide what I want to do. I just need to know that he is being sincere. That is all I need.

I stumble to put my winter jacket on, sliding my boots on my feet and tracking down my car keys. I practically leap out to my car, in anticipation to see Caleb. And as I drive in the cold towards his house, I debate turning around and just leaving it for tomorrow, but there is a part of me that keeps me driving. I am shaking from the cold and the nerves I am experiencing, trying my best to get myself in check before I pull up to his house, but I fail miserably.

When pulling into his driveway, I sit for a second. I close my eyes, taking in multiple deep breaths, trying to figure out what I am going to say to him when I see him - or what I won't say. This is turning out to be a lot harder than I had originally thought it would be, but I am not a coward. I have driven all the way here, and I am sitting in front of his house, I cannot back down. We need to figure this all out - whether we will be together or not - and I would rather not postpone it any longer.

With that being said, I take one last deep breath before making my way out of my car and to his front door. Licking my dry lips, I raise my hand and knock. Usually, I wouldn't knock at all and I would just go in, but I figure we are in a weird space right now and that almost seems inappropriate.

After I knock, I wait for the door to open and reveal the boy that I am dying to see, but it never comes. I try my best not to become hurt by this and assume he is asleep considering it is getting closer to midnight now.

I go to turn away after waiting a second longer, but as I do, the door opens.

"Ensley?"

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Look at us, getting so far in the book and their relationship is finally progressing lol.

What do you think? Did you expect Ensley to not respond to Caleb when he confesses to her? Are you glad Hardin interrupted or no? Do you think Ensley should forgive Caleb and just give in?

Don't be a silent reader!!

Enjoy. Love you all <3

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