All Things Wild and Beautiful

28. Unspoken Meaning

Fenrys swallowed hard. "Cairn began to spread rumors that Seraphina had been pregnant. There was no way to prove if the rumors were true or not. I know that was part of my punishment. Forever being tormented by not knowing."

Nascha hesitated, then asked, "Does it matter?"

"What?" Fenrys' voice fell flat.

"Does it matter if you know? It doesn't change the fact that she is dead. If a child existed, it's dead too. Perhaps not knowing is a small blessing."

"Perhaps, but I still wish I knew." Fenrys drew his knees up to his chest and let his arms dangle over them. "Sometimes, I wonder if she was my mate. I've never connected with anyone the way I connected with her. She was...everything to me."

Nascha felt a twinge of jealousy, but she forced it aside. She rested her hand on Fenrys' shoulder. "I think you should visit her grave, if only once. Maybe it will bring you some sense of peace. Seeing my parents and Van's graves did that for me. It hurts and it will continue hurting, but a little less than before."

"I never want to go back to Doranelle."

"Not even for Seraphina?" He didn't answer. "Maeve is gone, Fenrys. You drove Goldryn through her heart. You helped defeat her. Don't live the rest of your life in fear of her. That means you've let her win."

Fenrys met her gaze. "I will never let her win, but I'm not ready to go back again. Not yet."

"I wasn't ready to go back to Arcelia, but I was forced to anyway."

"Then you can have the satisfaction of being stronger than me, when confronting ghosts from your past."

"I don't think that's true." Fenrys arched his brow. Nascha gave a slow sigh. "Truthfully, I think you were the only thing that got me through that trip. I had to pretend to be strong because I didn't want you to see me as weak."

"I never saw you as weak."

"If you saw me crying, you would have."

"I heard you crying." Nascha blinked in surprise. "I woke up a few nights and heard you. I pretended to be asleep so that you wouldn't feel like you had to stop."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I just told you. I didn't want you to feel like you had to stop." Nascha gave him a prompting look. "And I didn't know what to say. I wanted to try to make you feel better, but I didn't know how to without angering you. That's..." He turned his face away, but not before she saw a furious blush creep into his cheeks. "That's partially why I made that pact with you. I didn't think you would accept anything else."

Nascha's gaze fell to his lips. A shiver swept through her as she recalled the feeling of his tongue. "I suppose that's one way to do it," she replied. "So you were just feeling sorry for me?"

"I wouldn't say that," Fenrys murmured. Before Nascha could reply, he added, "Sera looked a little bit like you, only her hair was more orange than red, and she had blue eyes instead of brown."

"Was she Fae?"

"She was one of the rare Demi-Fae allowed in Doranelle." The affectionate light in Fenrys' eyes dimmed. "She never Settled, and didn't think she was going to. If she had lived and things continued to progress between us, I would have bound myself to her, like Lorcan did to Elide."

Nascha bit her lip, then said, "I'm glad you never had the chance to do that. I think the world would be very dull without you in it."

"Really?"