All Things Wild and Beautiful

28. Unspoken Meaning

Nascha continued petting Fenrys' fur, even after she was certain he was sleeping. Fenrys' breaths were deep and even. His nose twitched occasionally and his ears were laid back, but other than that, he seemed at ease. His head and forepaws were a comfortable weight in her lap, although she thought her leg might fall asleep soon if he didn't move.

Nascha drew her hand away and Fenrys opened his eyes. She flashed him a sideways grin. "Were you pretending to be asleep so that I'd keep petting you?"

Fenrys sat up and shifted into himself. "You'd be surprised how good it feels. It's very relaxing."

"Is it?" Nascha leaned over and patted his head.

"Only when I'm in my wolf form," Fenrys chuckled. "Otherwise I feel like a patronized child. And truthfully, I was falling asleep. If you hadn't stopped when you did, I would've."

"My apologies."

"Don't lie."

"I wasn't lying. If I said I was sorry, that would be lying. I apologized. There's a difference."

Fenrys raised his eyebrows. "I'm going to remember that one."

"Don't steal my lines, Moonbeam."

"I'll make sure to use it when you're not around, so everyone thinks it's mine."

Nascha grunted in disgust and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I thought you were cute."

"Cute?"

"Curled up with your head in my lap like an adorable little puppy."

"I see. I think it's cute when you're covered in stardust." Nascha stiffened as he leaned towards her, brushing his thumb over her cheek. Fenrys studied her briefly, his onyx eyes glittering. He drew away and tilted his head up.

Nascha twisted onto her back, letting her head rest in his lap this time. Fenrys glanced at her, a smile ghosting across his lips. "I was...dreaming about someone special to me," he began. "Her name was Seraphina. Sera." Fenrys combed his fingers through Nascha's crimson waves. She didn't protest.

"At first, she was just one of my many acts of defiance, but I fell in love with her. I was stupid and kept seeing her, even when I knew I should stop. I was able to visit her for a few months before Maeve found out. One night, I stayed longer than I meant to and I fell asleep. When I woke up..." His next breath shook. Nascha didn't speak. "They tortured her. Mutilated her. I was asleep beside her the entire time and never even knew."

"How?" Nascha asked.

"Connall kept her still. Lorcan silenced her. Cairn tortured her. I don't know which wound took her life or if she died from blood loss. I tried to heal her, but it was already too late. Connall was the one who dragged me back to Maeve's palace. Gavriel was forced to whip me and rub salt into the wounds. A few healers came and attended to me a little over an hour later. They left the scars, but dulled them slightly." Fenrys jerked his chin over his shoulder.

Nascha rose and moved behind him. She took in the whip scars that she'd noticed before. He tensed as she traced her fingers over the faded marks. "All because you fell in love?"

"Because I was Maeve's property and I gave myself to another." Fenrys lowered his head. "I was forbidden to talk about her and so were the others. After Maeve died, Rowan told me that Connall had returned to Sera's home and buried her. I've never gone to her grave. I don't know how I can, when she was tortured right beside me. She died because of me. Because I was selfish and stupid."