Moutjza

01 Will there ever be peace?

"I want you home as soon as possible."

Her mother's sharp voice reached her through the phone. Arameh took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. She didn't want another argument with her mother. She looked out the window. The soft platters of the rain looking serene to her. She smiled sadly reminding herself that patience is a virtue.

"Mama, there's still two months until bhai's marriage. I don't understand why you're insisting me to come home early."

"What do you mean you don't understand? I haven't seen your face in over five years. I miss you, love."

Arameh smiled sardonically. Her mother didn't miss her. She was sure of it. It must have something to do with the family's so called izzat. She had enough idea of what was going back home. People were asking questions about where the youngest daughter of the Khan family was.

"Mama, there's still things left for me to wrap up. I'll apply for a leave at work, InshaAllah. But it'll still take time. A month, at-least."

"No, no, no you will resign. You don't have to apply for a leave. You're coming home for good."

Arameh felt a knot in her throat. Going home for good? That was nothing like that. It was no home for her, for there was no peace there. Everyone and everything was poisonous in that place. She had worked hard to escape that place.

"Mama", she said in a warning.

"Drop that attitude young lady. I've had enough of your rebellion. Come home. I don't want to call you again over this topic. " With that the phone line went dead.

Tears slipped down her eyes. No matter what, there was always something in her life that kept her on the edge. She wondered what it was like to be calm. What must it feel like to not sense an impending doom constantly. She wondered if she'll ever experience that.

She worked hard all her life. At first, it was to make her parents notice her, appreciate her, but as the years went by, she worked hard because she wanted to get away. And she did, got into a prestigious university, left her country, hustled all throughout the uni years and finally got her dream job and just when she was finally stable, her mother dropped the bomb. 

'Come home' she said. It was no home for her, she wanted to cry out. She wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough to cut ties with her family. The family that made her feel worthless yet would do everything to tie her down.

Wiping her tears, Arameh decided to go for a stroll. Fall in Vancouver was beautiful. She looked towards the ground, watching the leaves scrunching under her boots when she suddenly bumped into a tree and almost fell down.

She immediately looked around to see if anyone saw her and smiled in relief when everyone around her seemed to be busy. 

'Yes, Arameh, get that into your head. No one here will scrutinise you every minute of the day, people live their own life here' she told herself.

"Rami aapi?"

She turned around to see Sameera smiling at her.

"I didn't expect to see you here today. I thought you despised stepping out on weekends."

"I do. But I was out of ramen."

Technically, that wasn't a lie. She was out of ramen. But food was the last thing on her mind after the phone call with her mother.

Sameera chuckled, "Aapi, don't you think it's time you learn how to cook. You cannot survive on instant food or restaurants all your life."

"I can and I will" ,she said in a stubborn tone.

Sameera raised her hands in surrender, "Okay aapi, whatever you say. Walk with me?"

"Anything for my Queen."

Sameera was 19 years old. Five years younger than her. Sometimes it baffled her at how she was friends with her. Arameh disliked being friends with people younger than her. They were too shallow for her. Did not see eye to with her. But Sameera was different. Far more mature than her age. But it came at a cost. She had seen the horrors of life too soon. She had a two year old daughter. Sameera was raped by someone she had known closely at the age of 17. Her family kicked her out when they found out. For them, their 'Ghairat' was far more important than their daughter. They wailed about how they would face the people of their community. Arameh wondered if they ever thought about how they would face Allah, the lord of the universe, after being so cruel to their own daughter.

"I got a job at a bookstore", Sameera said suddenly.

"Thats wonderful, MashaAllah. But who will watch Kainat then?"

"I got her admitted in a daycare."

'Weird'. Arameh thought. Sameera was against the idea of staying away from Kainat. She made sure that her jobs would allow her to be with her daughter. She believed that she would be neglecting her daughter if she left her with someone else.

She sometimes talked about how it would have been wonderful to have a partner. A husband. Who would love her, cherish her and how they would bring up Kainat together. Only if things weren't the way they were.

"Why all of a sudden though?"

"The money from my free lancing isn't enough now."

"I can always help Sameera. Tell me what's wrong."

"Its-" she sighed and looked conflicted.

"Aapi, I hope you know that I'll always be grateful for everything you've done for me.The house, helping me with Kainat, helping me work from home and all the other things you've done for me. You are a farishta sent to me from Allah. You are family for me. My only family."

"You don't have to say that. You are not any less than family for me. But you're not telling me something. Is something wrong? I can help you."

Sameera looked down at her feet and her lip quivered, redness covering her face.

"Kainat hasn't been keeping well. Its like everything is falling apart. Will I ever be truly happy aapi? Will there ever be peace?" Arameh wondered that too.

" What will I do aapi?"

Arameh's heart skipped a beat. Kainat was such a sweet baby, capable of making anyone's heart melt, constantly smiling and was a curious child. She had fallen in love with her the moment she saw her in the hospital. The little baby had held her finger in her hands.

"The money from free-lancing isn't enough for the hospital bills."

Arameh felt terrible. She had known Sameera ever since she was 14. She had just moved to Vancouver and would go to the mosque near her house for Friday prayers. That's where she had met the girl with loud laugh and a quirky personality. Her very first words to Arameh consisted of her telling her that she 'looked badass' and she wanted to be her friend. She was one stubborn girl with so much light around her. She made Arameh laugh at the lowest of times. After her parents had kicked Sameera out, Arameh was the one who took her in. She had found out about her pregnancy at her place. Even after Arameh's constant suggestion of aborting the baby, Sameera was adamant on keeping the baby saying that the baby would be the only constant in her life.

Seeing her break down was one of the worst things Arameh had seen. The girl was so strong. She needed someone during this time. Knowing her mother, Arameh knew she couldn't cancel her trip back home and the trip was going to be long, not permanent, Arameh would make sure of that. She couldn't stay in that place for long.

"Sameera?"

Sameera looked up to her.

"Come home with me."

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Izzat- prestige, honor

Ghairat- reputation

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