By The Way, He's Safe With Me [Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments]

chapter nine

Magnus has been dating Alec for four months now and he felt something much more than just a measly crush him deep inside.

The thought that he might be in love with his boyfriend crossed his mind briefly; that one thought was his deepest nightmare. The last time he said that he loved someone, he ended up getting raped and scarred for life.

Magnus didn't know what Alec's intentions were if he were to suggest taking a leap of faith and saying 'I love you' or taking the sex step. He didn't know if Alec was going to hurt him or not, but the one thing he did know was that Alec had been so gentle, loving and caring so far. He never pushed Magnus too far and always made sure that he was confident in his decisions if he took a step forward in their relationship. Alec had always gone at Magnus' pace and never rushed him.

Alec was currently at work and wouldn't be back for another hour so Magnus had time to think things over, to decide whether he was brave enough to face his fears.

He needed to think logically about moving forwards, a pros and cons list was probably the best option. He spent fifteen minutes writing the list and when he was done, he realised that the positive side far outweighed the negative side.

In that instant, Magnus' mind started running wild and he mentally created a scenario about what might happen later when he talks to Alec about the truth of his feelings.

"Alexander, I... I love you..." Magnus said nervously, he couldn't deny his feelings any longer. The most nerve-wracking part was still to come though, Alec's response to Magnus' confession.

"What? Magnus, why would you think that anyone could ever love you back? You're a pathetic sexual assault victim. No one will ever love you." Alec explained harshly and his eyes were dark with anger towards the younger man.

Alec slapped Magnus hard. His cheek was stinging a lot and tears welled in his eyes as the hurt of Alec breaking his heart hit him. He couldn't actually believe that Alec treated him this way although he had expected it.

"What a- baby?" Alec's voice rang out from the apartment door.

Magnus didn't even realise that he was crying until Alec rushed to his side and gave him a caring hug, whispering sweet nothings in his ear and gently wiped his cheeks, smoothing the tears away.

"Mags, honey, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" Alec asked softly, gently caressing Magnus' cheek.

"I imagined that you- you hit me." Magnus explained before he started sobbing uncontrollably in Alec's arms.

Alec held him tightly, shocked that Magnus could ever think he would do such a thing. Alec would never intentionally hurt Magnus, he had fallen completely in love with the younger man and he just wanted him to be happy, safe and comfortable. He wanted to see Magnus smiling brightly all the time and he would sacrifice everything for it.

"Magnus, baby, I would never, never, hurt you. Not intentionally. I won't ever lay a finger on you in a malicious way. What's brought this on? You were fine this morning." Alec asked softly, gently stroking Magnus' hair as a way of attempting to calm the younger man.

"I wanted to t-tell you something but my m-mind made it s-someth-thing way out of h-hand." Magnus explained, still shaking from the crying, his voice not yet stabilised.

"Mags, you can tell me anything. You know this, I won't ever judge you. I actually want to tell you something, it might ease your fear of telling me, whatever this life-changing thing may be. Magnus, I love you. Every single part of you, even the scars of your past." Alec explained softly, gently holding the younger man's face in his hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.

Magnus' eyes displayed something similar to confusion as soon as Alec told him that he loved him. Magnus was so afraid of Alec reacting badly when Magnus told him the same thing, but Alec felt the same way he did.

He hadn't even considered that as a possibility.

He didn't understand how someone as wonderful as Alec had fallen head over heels for someone as broken as he was.

"That's wh-what I was g-gonna tell y-you." Magnus explained, gripping Alec's blazer lapels tightly in his hands. It was better than digging his nails into his palms, Alec supposed.

"You were going to tell me that you love me too?" Alec asked, clarifying what Magnus meant by his statement, smiling happily.

The younger man nodded, not making eye contact with Alec because he was too ashamed of his own feelings. After what happened in his last relationship, Alec couldn't find any reason to blame him for thinking these things about confessing the way he really felt.

"Magnus, it's okay, I promise. I'm not mad at you... it's a mutual feeling. I love you too. Nothing changes, we will still take this at your pace. We can watch a movie if you want? The Lion King, your favourite?" Alec offered, hugging Magnus tightly and rubbing his back in a comforting manner.

"I-I'd like that." Magnus said quietly, his voice steady now. He even smiled at Alec before they kissed lightly and then went over to the sofa and cuddled up together as the movie started playing.

Hours later, when the movie had finished, Alec was about to get up and go do some stuff around the house, like clearing some things away or tidying up a little bit, but quickly realised that Magnus had fallen asleep against his side.

Happy and in love and peaceful.

It was nice for Alec to see him this way because he knew that he himself was part of the reason why Magnus was so happy recently.

Giving up on getting up, Alec carefully pulled Magnus' back against his chest, positioning the younger man as the little spoon, and held him close. Alec embraced the feeling of being completely in love with a person after so long of not feeling it.

Before he realised it, he had fallen asleep too, cuddled up on the couch with his boyfriend.

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[1052 Words]