Tattoos And Cigarettes [A Destiel Fanfiction]

Put A Gun Against His Head

*I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO KIND TO ME AND SAYING SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS TO ME!

I've been depressed for years now, and after being abused physically by my mum and sexually by this dickwad ex boyfriend, I've become a budding sociopath that only cares about myself, really. And the depression is getting darker. But you guys are really helping me. Id like to thank a lot of you. Some of you are real friends- like Padackllins and some of you are just really fucking nice to me. Thank you. I'm very fond of you guys.*

*QUICK UPDATE AHAHA Padackllins IS NO LONGER MY FRIEND. SHES MY GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND HELLZ YEAH BITCHES.*

~~~~~~

Castiel sat alone at the space where the gazebo once stood. They finally tore it down. Castiel wasn't as fazed as he would have been. He was more concerned with how to live without Dean. It had only been three days, and he was already missing him. Castiel stubbed out it cigarette. He'd smoked five. He sighed and burned some flowers. What good were they anyway? Too look pretty?

All beautiful things die. Their love was beautiful. And it died. Leaving Cas broken, and Dean free to ruin himself. So why did Cas care? He shouldn't have let Dean inside. He pulled out another cigarette and sighed. He just couldn't seem to stop his hands from shaking. He lit up and watched the clouds go by. He needed craved Dean's touch every moment that went by. Castiel just needed to leave. It wasn't that long before they graduated anyway. And once they do, Cas can become a doctor and forget about this whole thing. He can find someone else.

But he highly doubted that last part.

~~~~~~

"No," Sam murmured to Gabriel. They were alone in the house. Dean was off smoking pot or getting laid. Who knows now a days? "David Tennant is the tenth Doctor. How many times have I told you that?"

Gabriel groaned, "why're we even arguing about this? We have more important matters on our hand." He motioned toward the Monopoly game board. Sam glared at him. They were suppose to be studying, not fighting and loosing their friendship over this game. A door slammed shut and Sam stiffened. "Where's Dean?" John asked.

"I thought you were him," Sam breathed a relived sigh, "he's probably out with Lisa tonight."

Gabriel pouted. It clearly hurt him to hear that Cas and Dean weren't an object anymore. "As soon as he gets home I swear.." John sighed and stared at their board game. "You guys will never be the same after this." He mumbled and left the room.

Sam glared at Gabriel, "this game is no good. I keep telling you."

The door slammed shut again. Dean came stumbling in. His eyes were red. He grinned. "Monopoly..? I love that game.." He sat down on the couch sloppily. He smelled like sex and booze. He was obviously high. Sam ignored it. It's all he could do. No one was getting through to him. Mary was worried sick. She was crying herself to sleep at night.

Dean could care less. He was too high to care. Mary and John tried to stop Dean multiple times. It just ended with Dean breaking things and cursing Cas for doing this to him.

It's no ones fault but yours, Sam kept thinking that every time Dean would throw a tantrum. Castiel was better, Gabriel can vouch for that. This entire ordeal kept getting in the way of Sam and Gabe's relationship. They decided to stay friends until this thing blew over... Friends who made out with each other and had gay oral sex often.

Castiel on the other hand, seemed to be doing just fine. But Gabriel heard him. He'd wake up at late hours to hear Cas in the other room crying and asking to no one in particular why this happened to him. Castiel put on his bad ass front stronger than ever. He had built another wall. Dean was the only one who broke that wall. Now, he's helped build it back up again.

Castiel stopped eating again. He felt like he wasn't good enough. He worked out more, he smoked more, he drank more. All of that, but he still refused to pick up another needle or another tab. He didn't want that. He was seeing Dean destroy himself with that. It'd be too mainstream to kill himself that way. Castiel kept going to the abandoned side of town and sitting in the twelve story building to "think".

It was obvious he kept thinking about jumping. Because every day he'd come back with tear swollen eyes and a notepad with lazy ass suicide notes. He could never make it perfect enough. Cas felt that if he could make one thing good enough in his life, it'd better be that dammed suicide note.

~~~~~~

Castiel sat in his home room class, tapping his pencil anxiously. He couldn't figure out this math problem. Oh, how he wished for his little nerd to come back and teach him how to do this. Dean was watching him closely. He leaned over. "X equals five, dumbass. Even you should know that." He whispered and continued on with his test. Castiel wasn't sure if he was lying or not, but it was his best shot. He wrote it down and sneakily caught glances of Dean's test answers.

They were quickly graded, and handed back. They both made an A. Dean might be high 24/7, but that didn't mean he wasn't smart as Hell still. Castiel watched Dean as he basked in his glory of acing yet another test. Dean narrowed his eyes and sighed. "I can feel you staring at me."

Castiel grinned, "I actually wasn't sure what I was staring at." He unwrapped a piece of gum and threw the wrapper at Dean's ear. Dean mumbled something about Castiel being a dick.

So at least they were kind of talking.

~~~~~~

Few days went by, and it was the weekend. Cas sat on his couch alone. Everyone had gone out to do shopping or hang out with friends. But Castiel wasn't really doing much of that anymore. He played with the strings on his jacket until suddenly his front door opened loudly. Cas groaned, "JESUS FUCK GABRIEL YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!" Someone grunted a response and Cas sat up. "Listen here you little shit, Gabriel," Castiel got up off the couch to see Dean standing there. He smiled softly.

"Hi'ya Cas."

Castiel clenched his fists in rage and grit his teeth. "You're not allowed to just waltz in here anymore, Dean."

Dean looked at him sadly and took off his jacket. "I brought records.."

~~~~~~

And that's how they ended up sitting on the floor is Cas's room, listening to classic rock in their boxers and drinking tea. "So.. Why did you come back?" Cas mumbled after a moment. The room was filled with the sound of The Doors again while Dean thought. He sighed. "Lisa dumped me.."

"My poor baby." Cas stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray.

"Yeah.. I... Shouldn't have done that. I really missed you though." Dean grabbed Castiel's hand gently.

"No shit, Sherlock." Cas mumbled, jerking his hand away. Dean shot him a look and changed the record out. Billy Idol started playing and Cas groaned, "okay, I get the point- you like classic rock. Do you want a fucking medal?"

Dean sighed. "Can we focus for a moment, please?" He sighed again, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry."

"Elaborate?" Cas scoffed. If sorry is all you can do, then I'm going to kick your dick in the dirt.

"What else am I suppose to say?" Dean muttered, genuinely confused. Your dick is on the line, Dean.

Cas glared at him, "get out of my house."

"What? Why?"

"Well, what did you expect me to say?"

"Uh.. I forgive you? And we can date again?"

Cas laughed rather loudly, making Dean fume. "That is rich! You really expect me to come crawling back to you?" He laughed again. "No way. Until you learn that this whole 'bad boy attitude' isn't who I fell in love with, then fuck you." Cas had realised he was shouting. His eyes were glassy, and his knuckles were white from resisting the urge to sock Dean in the jaw. Dean bit the inside of his cheek. "We'll see who comes crawling back." He muttered. He grabbed his things and left quickly. Cas lit another cigarette to calm down.

So now it's a game? Cas thought. See who comes back first? I can dig it. Count me in, baby boy, this'll be a piece of cake.

*IF ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SAY HE CAN DIG ELVIS IM SETTING YOUR BALLS ON FIRE REGARDLESS OF YOUR GENDER.*