My Mess

Chapter Thirty-four: Outside Naps With Fruit Roll Up

Chapter Thirty four: Outside Naps With Fruit Roll Up
Cole's POV

"I hate myself." 

"Same." I said, before deciding that sentence was enough to be slightly concerned about. "Why? What happened? Did you wake up with a boner listening to your little girlfriend snore? Hey man, don't worry, it happens to everyone-"

"No, shut up." Brian grumbled, "I don't even know why I said that. Anna says it a lot, it just kinda rubs off on me." 

"You know who else rubs off on you?" I asked, waving for him to follow me to the kitchen, "Your mom. Ohhh, roasted." 

"Sometimes you make jokes and it's like 'wow that was the funniest thing ive ever heard in my life'. But then sometimes you make those jokes, and it makes me wonder if the jokes you say are even funny, or if I'm just brainwashed." 

I snorted, pouring myself a bowl of cereal and staring at the two week old expired milk. "You think this is good?" 

"No? It says expired." 

"Mmm, it smells fine." i said tugging it out, "If I throw up, I'll just make sure to aim it at you, get good target practice in for the next time I'm in the national throw up competition." 

"Pretty sure that's less than a thing." 

"Can something be less than a thing if it was never the thing that it was supposed to be less than?"

"What?" 

"What?" I paused, scooping a spoon full of cheerios into my mouth, "Solid seven out of ten. Not the worst thing I've ever tasted. Also, do you have headphones? No offense Bri rye, but if I wanted seven hours of two people snoring, I could easily look up a compilation on youtube." 

He laughed, "Is that why you were gone? Were you sleeping on the couch or something? I woke up to piss and you were gone." 

"Wow, I'm surprised you didn't wake up from the lack of my comforting broad, warm arms wrapped snuggly around your waist." 

Brian gave me a weird look. 

"Trying out this writing thing, I think I'm pretty good at it." 

"No, and please don't ever say it again." 

"Sometimes words hurt Brian. But you know what would hurt worst? If I shoved this spoon up your ass." 

"Yeah, I think that probably would hurt just a little bit." 

I rolled my eyes, a little bit? This dude has very obviously never had something up his ass, besides a stick when he's in one of his 'oh cole youre so annoying, why am i friends with you?' moods. 

"I mean you can always try it out. Just don't put it back when you're done. Kinda weird..." 

"Shut up." 

"Okay, shutting up on this topic. But asking me to remain silent for longer than three seconds is a crime. How'd you sleep? Horrible since I wasn't there?" 

"Like a baby actually." 

I decided that the weird taste these cheerios were giving off probably meant I shouldn't be eating them. 

Obviously though, throwing up on people was slowly becoming my specialty, and I wouldn't blame Nathaniel if you wanted to bring that situation up with a therapist if he ever decided to go to one. 

"Babies wake up all fussy and crying, so is this your way of saying you miss me?" 

"No, make sure you wash that bowl when you're done."